Christopher Columbus’s First Conversation Upon Landing in America

-There she is… India. It's as beautiful as I dreamed.

-Sir, I'm not too sure this is India.

-Nonsense. Shall I go grab us some curry?

-Mr. Columbus, if this is India where are the rubies? The jewels?

-You sure have a lot to learn. Look, there are the natives. I'm sure they can point us to a local curry shop.

-Their skin is a different color than had been described to us.

-Probably covered in red curry.

-Sir, that's ‘ kind of offensive.

-To who? They love curry. It's a compliment.

-They appear to be drawn towards our horses.

-Hi there!!! We just got off that boat. Umm, how do you say, umm… BOAT ‘Jeez. It's like they don't even speak English.

-…

-THE BOAT

-It seems they want to touch the horses. Maybe use that.

-Smart… IF WE GRANT YOU PERMISSION TO PET OUR HORSEYS, PERHAPS YOU COULD DIRECT SOME HUNGRY CHAPS TO YOUR LOCAL–

-Did he just die? Oh my god they're all dying.

-Well this sucks. I told like 30 people I'd bring them back some curry.

-Shall we go home?

-No. It'd be too embarrassing. Let's see how this plays out. YES. KEEP PETTING.