By: Dan Abramson
How To Hack Chipotle
With that giant, delicious burrito, we all know that Chipotle is a good deal. But do you know how to make it the best deal? Here are all the hacks you’ll ever need.
Twice the cheese.
When you reach the “lettuce, cheese, sour cream” option, ask for cheese. Then, and the following is key, politely ask for more cheese. If you do this correctly (often a smile helps), they give you the cheese you just requested. Consider yourself hacked, Chipotle.
Black or Pinto? How about BOTH.
A lot of people think you can only get black beans or pinto beans. Incorrect. Asking for both beans is a common practice and Chipotle employees will oblige without batting an eye. OH SHIT WHAT WAS THAT? THAT WAS A HACK ATTACK!!
You can get two kinds of beans!
When they ask if you want black or pinto, did you know that you can have both? Yup. Insider tip: simply order pinto beans and say the code words “once you go black.” Then, reach over the counter and grab a fistful of black beans and drop them on to pinto beans, which should already have been added. BOOM. Burrito hack.
Have ALL the beans.
When given the all-important bean choice, just nudge the person on your right say “Ugh, this place ain’t what it used to be.” Do the same to the person on your left. Repeat until your burrito artist gets uncomfortable and gives you heaping platefuls of beans and then goes to get their manager. Bean hack in effect.
No Beans. You read that correctly.
Ok, now follow me closely on this one. When they ask you which beans you want, just look at them and say “No beans, thank you.” BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM. TRY THAT ON FOR SIZE, CHIPOTLE. DON’T PUSH YOUR BEAN AGENDA ON ME. I’M A FAJITA MAN.
You can have both Tacos and Burritos.
Just get on line twice. It costs roughly twice as much, but you get two foods. It’s pretty great. This is for hack masters. We’re talking pro-shit here. Beginner hackers should see the top of the list and work hard to get here.
Drink all the sodas.
Ask for a large beverage. Then when nobody’s looking mix Diet Coke, Sprite, and Pibb Xtra. Then point to the cashier and scream “More like Pibb EXTREME.” Hacked.
Live at Chipotle.
Bet you didn’t know that after your order your burrito, you can just sit there. Forever. If they try to kick you out, just go to bathroom. They can’t kick you out of there. That’s illegal. So what next? OH HOW ABOUT JUST LIVING RENT-FREE (aside from the eight bucks you threw down for that for burrito, which if you listened to these hacks should have been a great value!!)? Hack City. Population: You.
