By: Pat O'Brien

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Cheat Sheet: Rob Ford at a Glance

Embattled Toronto mayor Rob Ford has been making headlines lately with a string of increasingly embarrassing scandals, from being caught smoking crack on camera to making lewd remarks about soliciting a female staffer for oral sex. In case you're unfamiliar with Mayor Ford, we've assembled this handy cheat sheet to help bring you up to speed.

FULL NAME: Robert Bruce (belch sound) Ford

OCCUPATION: Owner/sole proprietor of traveling shit show

PREVIOUS OCCUPATION: Convincing drunk women at bars that he starred in Tommy Boy

WEIGHT: 330 lbs and 2 ounces (of crack)

HEIGHT: High as fuck

AGE: 44, based on number of rings in his trunk

SKIN COLOR: Bloodshot

HOBBIES: Smoking crack, falling down, sweating through shirts, giving “bunny ears” in photos, snickering at dogs' erections, archery

MARITAL STATUS: Happily embarrassing same woman for 13 years


FAVORITE MOVIE OR TV QUOTE: Tie between ‘Holy Schnikes” and entire Mr. Ed theme song

FAVORITE FOOD: Something he calls “Pussy Fries”

FAVORITE SONG: Boozy, off-key rendition of “Baby Elephant Walk”

PERSONAL MOTTO: “Carpe Diem” and ‘Boogie 'til you puke”

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