By: Pat O'Brien
If you're a guy in your 20s and you have a girlfriend, chances are she's tried to rope you into watching (and talking about) that show Girls on HBO. Hey, we know what you're thinking : “That's a chick show! I'm a guy!” But don't panic, because we're playing wingman to our fellow bros out there with this handy, “for-guys-only” guide to Girls, where we break down each episode in terms that even the manliest of dudes can understand.
And if you ever start to feel self-conscious, we’ve added in some key masculine words and phrases to keep you firmly anchored in your manhood throughout the recap.
Season 3, Episode 3 “She Said OK”
It’s Hannah’s (the main chick’s) 25th birthday or something and her parents throw her a party (open bar, which is pretty sick). The main chick is hoping for no drama but then the jacked dude’s sister comes over and starts acting all crazy (she used to be on some show when she was little so it makes it sorta weird when you see her full bush later in the episode but it’s still pretty cool). Anyway, they all go to the bar later and who’s all there is Hannah’s parents, the swollen dude, Adam, another chick, Marnie, who’s pretty hot but sorta high-maintenance, and Ray, who’s still really upset about his recent breakup with Shoshanna. Xbox. Oh, and let’s not forget Adam’s sister, Caroline, who ends up going full-on Sylvia Plath and biting Ray on the arm when he refuses to dance with her. Mixed Martial Arts.
Ray, who has this gruff, sort of “over it” exterior but also these big, sad, puppy dog eyes, is having a super bad time at the party. Boobs. He finds out about all the wild fun that Shoshanna's been having without him, and even meets this cute boy who he wants to be friends with, but it turns out that the boy is currently hooking up with Shosh. Muscle Milk. It seems like things can't get any worse for poor Ray until Hannah's e-book editor, David (John Cameron Mitchell, creator of the glam-tastic musical Hedwig and the Angry Inch) ends up punching him out during a snippy altercation over breach of “song queue” (as Ray adorably refers to it). 4-Blade Shaving Technology. David has sort of a twink vibe, so you wouldn't expect him to suddenly act all butch and just punch someone like that, but it sort of makes sense when you look at his arms, which are actually, like, pretty cut. Madden. Ugh, but we hate seeing Ray so sad! Frank Calienedo as Madden.
Oh, and can we talk about Marnie for a second? Flip Cup. Girlfriend is straight up LOSING IT. Axe Body Spray. Hot off the heels of last season’s cringe-worthy surprise serenade at her (gorgeous) ex-boyfriend Charlie’s office party, Marns has made yet another spectacle of herself with her desperate, “look-at-me!” delusion of a singing career. Leaving an upper-decker in your buddy’s toilet. This time, her hot mess-ery goes viral in a hilariously hard-to-watch YouTube cover of Edie Brickell’s “What I Am”, and then comes full cicle when she forces a mortified Hannah to duet with her to “Take Me Or Leave Me” form Rent. Um, yeah, Marn? I think we’re gonna go with the “leave” option, K, hon? Thanks. Lacrosse tournaments.
So yeah, if your girl starts nagging you about it or whatever, that's pretty much what happened this week on Girls. At least we think so, we weren't really paying attention.