48 Ways to Improve the Pro Bowl

The 2014 Pro Bowl comes complete with new rules in attempt to revamp what's often a little-watched, little-cared-about game. But have they gone far enough? Here are 48 more suggestions :

• Eddie Van Halen shreds a wicked guitar solo after every field goal
• Kickers do ‘dizzy bat” before kicking extra point
• Instead of instant replays, just show clips from Seinfeld
• 10 points for career-ending injuries
• Opposing team can challenge a touchdown with a dance-off
• Donovan McNabb’s mom serves piping hot Campbell soup on the sidelines
• One lucky fan gets to play on the offensive line of his/her choice
• 3 words: skimpy little shorts
• Debut new dance, ‘The Pro Bowl Shuffle”
• Beyonce plays quarterback for both teams
• Fake beards
• Cover players in steaks and release a bunch of vultures
• Hire a few people to go have sex out there
• Replace refs with whistle-holding orangutans
• Try it with no cups this year
• Each play introduced by Tom Bergeron
• Captains choose their teams then spend rest of time making fun of players picked last (fans can join in via twitter)
• Place creepy spikes in the end zone
• Call it ‘Saved by the Bowl: Hawaiian Style”
• Checkers Rules: Each time a TD is scored, player says ‘King Me” and is given second helmet and can play both ways
• Fill stands with cardboard cutouts of Pamela Anderson and Boba Fett
• Cover field in plastic tarp and douse players in massage oil
• Let a few of the guys use Segways. Why not?
• Turn out all the lights during 4th quarter for “Cosmic Pro Bowling”
• All players wear capes
• Field is 30 feet long, 15 feet deep, has diving board. You know what, it’s just a pool
• 3rd down now known as ‘Party Down”
• I dunno, something where a bunch of golfballs are taped together
• Puppy Pro Bowl – not sure what that means but people will be into it
• Instead of a coin toss, make it a kitten toss (especially if going with Puppy Pro Bowl angle)
• TWO footballs
• Players who drop out are forced to watch the Pro Bowl like the rest of us
• Instead of tackle, how about two-hand tickle?
• Coaches are just horses wearing headsets
• Instead of a football, use a football-shaped disco ball
• Dress all the coaches in hula skirts (remember, they are horses now)
• Throw a couple mummies out there and watch them get tromped upon
• Turn up the tunes
• Cover players in glue and have them play until they are stuck together in big ball
• Have OJ Simpson captain a third, ‘bad guy” team that the two other teams must band together in order to defeat
• Cheerleaders cheer in Portuguese
• Players actually try
• A few guys wear scuba masks and flippers, and we all have a bit of a laugh about that
• Go double or nothing on entire second game
• Aerosmith plays at halftime – not music, football
• Losing team has to sexually pleasure FOX Robots while Terry Bradshaw dances
• 2nd quarter is just a picnic at the beach because these guys are in Hawaii and deserve some relaxation
• Replace whole thing with clips from Seinfeld, no one will complain