By: Funny Or Die
48 Ways to Improve the Pro Bowl
The 2014 Pro Bowl comes complete with new rules in attempt to revamp what's often a little-watched, little-cared-about game. But have they gone far enough? Here are 48 more suggestions :
- Eddie Van Halen shreds a wicked guitar solo after every field goal
- Kickers do ‘dizzy bat” before kicking extra point
- Instead of instant replays, just show clips from Seinfeld
- 10 points for career-ending injuries
- Opposing team can challenge a touchdown with a dance-off
- Donovan McNabb’s mom serves piping hot Campbell soup on the sidelines
- One lucky fan gets to play on the offensive line of his/her choice
- 3 words: skimpy little shorts
- Debut new dance, ‘The Pro Bowl Shuffle”
- Beyonce plays quarterback for both teams
- Fake beards
- Cover players in steaks and release a bunch of vultures
- Hire a few people to go have sex out there
- Replace refs with whistle-holding orangutans
- Try it with no cups this year
- Each play introduced by Tom Bergeron
- Captains choose their teams then spend rest of time making fun of players picked last (fans can join in via twitter)
- Place creepy spikes in the end zone
- Call it ‘Saved by the Bowl: Hawaiian Style”
- Checkers Rules: Each time a TD is scored, player says ‘King Me” and is given second helmet and can play both ways
- Fill stands with cardboard cutouts of Pamela Anderson and Boba Fett
- Cover field in plastic tarp and douse players in massage oil
- Let a few of the guys use Segways. Why not?
- Turn out all the lights during 4th quarter for “Cosmic Pro Bowling”
- All players wear capes
- Field is 30 feet long, 15 feet deep, has diving board. You know what, it’s just a pool
- 3rd down now known as ‘Party Down”
- I dunno, something where a bunch of golfballs are taped together
- Puppy Pro Bowl – not sure what that means but people will be into it
- Instead of a coin toss, make it a kitten toss (especially if going with Puppy Pro Bowl angle)
- TWO footballs
- Players who drop out are forced to watch the Pro Bowl like the rest of us
- Instead of tackle, how about two-hand tickle?
- Coaches are just horses wearing headsets
- Instead of a football, use a football-shaped disco ball
- Dress all the coaches in hula skirts (remember, they are horses now)
- Throw a couple mummies out there and watch them get tromped upon
- Turn up the tunes
- Cover players in glue and have them play until they are stuck together in big ball
- Have OJ Simpson captain a third, ‘bad guy” team that the two other teams must band together in order to defeat
- Cheerleaders cheer in Portuguese
- Players actually try
- A few guys wear scuba masks and flippers, and we all have a bit of a laugh about that
- Go double or nothing on entire second game
- Aerosmith plays at halftime – not music, football
- Losing team has to sexually pleasure FOX Robots while Terry Bradshaw dances
- 2nd quarter is just a picnic at the beach because these guys are in Hawaii and deserve some relaxation
- Replace whole thing with clips from Seinfeld, no one will complain