By: Zack Poitras
Movie Review Write By Me, Frankenstein Monster
Me finally get round to watching I, Frankenstein this end week. Overall me think movie bad, but me like portrayal of me and me like couple battle scenes. Special effects good but no anything to kill Elizabeth about. Also, me saw movie in 3D, though let just say it no Gravity.
Movie start when Movie Me bury Doctor Frankenstein. Demon and gargoyle show up and we fight. None of this happen in real life. But me get it. It movie, and not biography movie like Ray.
All of sudden it 200 years later in movie. Movie not even touch on how me ride submarine in WWII or how me deal with news of Titanic (first me laugh then me get sad), or that me try drug in 60's San Francisco with Peter, Mary, Paul, or that me see 2001 Space Odyssey in theater like 9 time. Movie not take time to know me as character, and that make movie suffer throughout.
Me played by actor Aaron Eckhart, good actor in Thank You Smoke. Aaron Eckhart much better looking than me. Me flattered. Aaron Eckhart hot man. Many muscles. Sew marks all over body. HA HA. Me look nothing like that. Me get it though. Movie lookers want look at hot man. Muscle definition. Chisel jaw. Paul Giamatti not getting this role. This movie not want to be a Fargo or Nashville or Ray.
In movie Eckhart talk like normal man. It flattering but wrong. Me educated but come on, people not that stupid. But me like performance. Eckhart trying. He no leading man but he good support man. Like to see what Alexander Payne do with him in movie one day.
Many problems in movie. When me kill demon in movie, demon turn to fire and Movie Me not even flinch. But me very scared of fire in real life! In real life, if me kill demon, me run very far because fire is scary.
Also in real life me never meet demon in first place. Once me meet Hugh Jackman and he very nice. Me thought he gay once but now me think no. Not that it matter. For couple decades me think myself gay, but now me think we all on spectrum.
Me tell you rest of plot but it so dumb. Dead people charge up like iPhone. It so dumb. January known for bad movies, and me hate when that prove true.
Speak of dumb, in movie they name me Adam Frankenstein. That ridiculous. People been call me Winston since Civil War. Can't believe no one know that. Me sign all checks “Winston.” OK Cupid Profile say “Single Winston.” Linked In – “Winston Work.”
How they get that wrong? Film makers lazy. Only in game to get buck. Art dead, but there hope. Dead things can be brought back to life. You just need electricity, hunchback, and positive outlook.
Me give movie 1 Loose Neck Bolt out 5 Loose Neck Bolt.