By: Alex Pearson
Sorry to do this, but we need to reschedule our Super Bowl party from this weekend to next weekend. We sincerely regret any inconvenience.
To be clear, our Super Bowl party will still be held at our house at the same time, but next Sunday, a week from this Sunday, Super Bowl Sunday.
We only ask a small favor in light of the date change: We will be showing a recording of the Super Bowl at our party, and in order to ensure you and all our guests enjoy our party to the fullest, please refrain from watching the Super Bowl this Sunday or any time before our party. This includes:
- Super Bowl gameplay
- Super Bowl commercials
- Super Bowl halftime entertainment
- Super Bowl pre-shows or post-shows
- Super Bowl highlights, recaps, or coverage
- Super Bowl references in pop culture, social media, or casual conversation
To guarantee these precautions, we ask that you avoid any potentially revealing human or technological interactions from this Sunday until the next. That means no television, telephone, or internet.
Please send children to stay with friends or family for the week. Or if you can find a weekly overnight camp or temporary boarding school with February sessions, that is acceptable. Your child must know that communication with you is completely out of the question. Explain the circumstances, or if a child is having trouble grasping, say you will be away fighting in a war for the week. This seems to click with children. If none of these options are viable, you may hold them incommunicado in your home, or we may be able to provide daycare for them through contacts in the nearby Amish community. Let us know ASAP.
It should go without saying that you shall not go to your places of employment for the week. You may work from home if it is something you can do without communicating with co-workers or using the internet or reading anything that was produced after noon this Sunday. Take vacation time if you can, but of course, do not vacation anywhere that may have awareness of the Super Bowl, American football, or America.
If you need to reach us or each other before the party, please use only the prepaid cell we've sent and the single listed contact. It connects to a voicemail system only accessible to us and other invitees of our party.
Finally, we hate to do it, but we have a big favor ask: could all of you bring one small covered dish to serve as a side? The cuisine theme is Mexican.
Thank you in advance. We promise a Super Bowl party well worth the wait. There will be plenty of cold beer, great food and amazing friends, plus firsthand commentary and actual stadium souvenirs from the big game. (Yes, we just found out we won two tickets to the Super Bowl! Can you believe it?)