51 Fun Ideas For Single People On Valentine’s Day

No significant other this year? No problem. Here are 51 surefire ways for single people to have a great time on Valentine's Day:

• treat yourself to a nice dinner
• enjoy a big glass of wine
• listen to your favorite song
• dance like nobody’s watching
• realize your neighbor across the street is watching
• quickly shut the blinds and put your clothes back on
• figure the damage is done so you might as well leave your pants off
• pour another glass of wine
• imagine your smug neighbor telling his wife about what he just saw
• hope their marriage fails
• remember tonight is about you
• relax and get comfy
• top off your wine glass
• search for your favorite movie on Netflix
• wonder how the fuck they don’t have Uncle Buck available to stream
• realize you haven’t left the house or spoken to another human being all day
• get online and search for any remaining video stores in your area
• call the only remaining one and ask if they have Uncle Buck
• read too much into the clerk’s “great choice” comment
• sense a real connection there
• hang up, giddy with excitement
• get ready to meet this sexy-voiced video store clerk who clearly gets you
• change into a shirt that doesn’t have mustard stains all over it
• grab your car keys
• realize you’ve had at least nine glasses of wine and are in no shape to drive
• head for the bus stop
• pop into a nearby liquor store for a fresh bottle of wine
• see that a box is not only cheaper per ounce but has a handle to carry it with
• wait for your bus for over an hour, passing the time by thinking of Uncle Buck-related icebreakers you can use when you meet the clerk of your dreams
• finally see the bus
• be told by the driver that you must be wearing pants in order to ride
• tell him you hope his marriage fails
• sit down on the curb as the bus speeds away, assessing the situation while sucking directly from the little spigot on the box of wine
• debate going home and putting on pants, but figure if all goes well with the video store clerk tonight, you won’t be needing pants anyway
• start walking
• arrive at the video store only to find that two-timing clerk helping someone else find a movie
• freak the FUCK out
• storm in there, swinging your wine box and demanding some fucking answers
• get arrested for assault, indecent exposure and public drunkenness
• stretch out in the back of the squad car because tonight is still about you
• use your one phone call to have some 1-800-FLOWERS delivered to you at the station
• cry for a while, wondering how that sexy clerk could do this to you
• decide that no, you’re not gonna cry
• stand up on your cot and begin loudly singing “Not Gon’ Cry” by Mary J. Blige, from the Waiting To Exhale soundtrack
• dance like no one is watching
• notice that several of the guards are watching and also screaming at you to get down
• tell them that you’re through with shame and that tonight is all about joy
• get brutally Tasered until you pass out
• awaken hours later to a guard shaking you, your head throbbing and pants still missing
• be told that the video store clerk has decided not to press charges and you’re free to go
• head straight for that video store because this was clearly meant to be