By: Boy Search!
Boy Bands have been a staple of pop music since the moment teenagers could line their walls with the posters of their favorite hunks. And because Washington, D.C. has consistently mirrored the pop landscape, our nation's capital has always been filled with political boy bands. Many were flash in the pans and many went on to notable positions (president, Congress, etc). Below are 6 you may not remember.
Biggest Single: “I’m Here If Your Boyfriend Dies”
Key Album: 1st Is Worst, 2nd Is Sex
George HW Bush
This rag-tag bunch of boy band castoffs came together for one magical album, '1st Is Worst, 2nd Is Sex.' While on tour in Texas, Baritone and literal heart-stealer Dick Cheney famously shot Dan “Simple” Quayle in the face with a shotgun, and Joe Biden (along with his panty-dropping wink) replaced Quayle for the remainder of the tour. Al Gore was later kicked out of the band for making out with his wife too much backstage.
Biggest Single: “Take A Tour Of My Love”
Key Album: StatuEsquires
Internet sensation Howard Dean, known to fans as “The Screaming One,” finally found lasting success with The Monumentz, a bunch of locations and statues who could sing better than the greats they represented. Fans came to affectionately call the Jefferson Memorial “The Quiet One,” the Lincoln Memorial “The Other Quiet One,” the Washington Monument “The Tall One,” and Arlington Cemetery came to be known as “The Spooky One With All The Dead Soldiers.”
Weapons Of Mass Seduction
Biggest Single: “Two Bombs Make A Booty”
Key Album: Shock and Awesome
Harry S. Truman
Dwight D. Eisenhower
Donald P. Rumsfeld
After the fallout of The Veeples, “Face-Blaster” Cheney quickly moved on and founded a band of boys who wanted to sing about bombs and sex, and did they ever. From Truman’s haunting ballad “Mushroom Cloud Woman” to the do-wop inflected, Cheney-penned “Wars Make Me Money, Honeys Rub My Tummy,” Shock and Awesome is one of the most colorful albums released by a political boy band since The Teddy Bears’ 1906 classic, 'Stache Sweat.
Key Album: Get On My Plane
Biggest Single: “Thespian Sex (Fake it ’til you make it)”
Westwyng has the distinction of being the only political boy band to feature no actual politicians. Exclusively comprised of actors who played fictional presidents in movies and TV shows, this mega-star lineup of silver foxes won the hearts of middle-aged women everywhere with their rugged good looks and blockbuster performances, both onscreen and between the sheets.
Key Album: Universal
Biggest Single: “The Public Option (to Dance)”
Started by Mitt Romney (who later distanced himself from the group), this rag-tag quartet of cuties combined bad-boy swagger with the belief that affordable health care is a right for every citizen. Other hits included “Sex Panels,” “Raise My Premium,” and “In Bed With Big Pharma (A Girl I Know).” The band sold thousands of CDs but had trouble transitioning to digital due to website problems.
The POTUS Brothers
Key Album: Sibling Rivalry
Biggest Song: “Your Place or My Brother’s?”
Comprised entirely of famous brothers of American presidents plus Donnie Wahlberg, this band wasn’t very good. Other hits include “Black Sheep,” “Liability,” and “Quit Playing Games as Luigi.”
Funny or Die is currenlty putting together a boy band of its own. So for more boy band excitement, go watch the hell out of Boy Search!