By: RoyalBermudaUCB
Next season on HBO's True Detective…
Directed by Will Reese
Written by Matt Chester
Featuring
Josh Brekhus
Kirby Howell-Baptiste
Leslie Korein
Jessica Lowe
Matt Newell
Carlos Orlando
Original Music by Manny Hagopian
Sound by Jacki Merchant
Special Thanks to Kevin Pedersen
Have fun at Coachella! Just try not to blow it.
February 14th can be awfully cold when the only thing you ‘re spooning is a gallon of triple-chocolate-chunk ice cream. This Valentine ‘s Day, warm your heart with the healing power of sweet destruction. Introducing Shred Your Ex ‘ scientifically engineered to help you get over your ex while turning the sorrow of your romantic past into healing warmth for real life baby animals. That ‘s right. All shreds are donated to a local animal shelter, Paws4ever, and used as litter for recently spayed and neutered kittens recovering from surgery. So, don ‘t just delete painful digital memories. Destroy them. And rest easy knowing you ‘re helping adorable kittens poop in the process.
‘He called Professor Furman ‘Mom ‘, how stupid is that? What a fucking nerd. He turned so red, it was the best thing ever” Carol crowed. ‘But then, yeah, the earth broke open and that was pretty whack”
Dear James Cameron, I get it. Your remake of ‘Fern Gully’ lost the Academy Award last year to your hot as fuck ex-wife. That’s a big blow to your ego, sure. And now, in some desperate attempt to remind us that you’re “cool” and “definitely a director” you’ve decided to re-release ‘Titanic’ in 3D… Granted, I will buy tix, because I’d like to reclaim some lost part of my youth, just like you! But the whole time I will be silently saying “Fuck you, Cam,” because this sucks. Just go make us Fern Gully 2, and stop re-releasing shit.
