The Death of ‘Archie’: 13 Possible Last Words

It was announced that the long-running Archie Comics series will kill off its beloved main character in an upcoming issue. Here are some guesses at what his last words might be:

• “Wait, I’m still around? That’s aweso- (*dies*)”
• “You’ll pay for this, Joker!”
• “Who knew I would get diabetes from all those years of sharing frosty fountain sodas?”
• “I never even got to third base. Quick, what happens on third ba-“
• “Et tu, Jughead?”
• “Sprinkle my ashes in the supermarket checkout line right next to the Reader’s Digests.”
• “A high school degree is worthless in today’s economy!”
• “I will die the way I lived, in the back of people's minds but never really mattering.”
• “Betty, Veronica, I never got to tell you this, but for years Mr. Weatherbee has been donning an orange wig and diddling you both.”
• “So long, girls, I’m off to that three-way milkshake in the sky.”
• “Allahu Akbar!”
• “Promise to honor me with a list of '17 Archie Comics that Featured Crazy Crossovers’!”
• “At least I got to achieve my dreams of fucking two women for decades and having them be okay with it.”