By: Funny Or Die

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17 Ways to Enjoy Prom if You Don’t Have a Date


No prom date this year? No problem! Here are 17 ways to have a great time flying solo to prom:

  • Eat the entire corsage, all by yourself.
  • Go to the bathroom as often as you want because hey, no one is waiting on you.
  • Rent a stretch limo and pretend you’re a socially awkward movie star.
  • Wear a tuxedo on top of your tuxedo. Remember, you’re dating for two now.
  • Ponder whether “And a little bit softer now” can truly exist if there's no one there to hear it.
  • During the slow dances, stand by yourself in the middle of the dance floor, gently rocking your hips back and forth to emphasize your boner.
  • Pose for your prom photo with your arms around the air, then add whoever you want in Photoshop! We're talkin' Boba Fett, Pamela Anderson ‘ just don't kill yourself, kid.
  • Sell the condom in your wallet to a boy who needs it, but charge him a couple bucks extra.
  • Swoop in when a fellow classmate has too big a boner to keep dancing. You’ll be sort of a wing man, but for boners. A “boner man,” if you will.
  • Cruise around doing donuts in the parking lot (doing = eating).
  • Pretend a bat got into the auditorium and think about what you'd do in that situation. If you finish and the dance is still going on, try it again with two bats.
  • Play air guitar on every song because there's no judgment tonight.
  • Pour a bucket of pig’s blood on yourself before that bitch Stacy can. Now who looks dumb, STACY?!
  • Ten seconds of nervousness is not worth a lifetime of regret, so roll the goddamn dice and ask yourself to dance.
  • Tell yourself that no matter how drunk you get, you won’t go past finger-banging yourself tonight.
  • Go hang out with the DJ and request songs until he says you can't stand there anymore.
  • Rig the king and queen elections by doubling down on your write-in candidate: “MY BUTT.” (This can be done with or without a date, as it is a hilarious prank for all to enjoy.)

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