Checking in with Tetris at Age 30

The historic puzzle game turned the big 3-0 today, and like most 30-year-olds, it’s more grown up than it used to be, but is still figuring some stuff out. Here’s how 30-year-old Tetris is doing these days:

• Now going by more mature-sounding ‘Tetristopher”
• Starting to find a few grey blocks
• Finally moved out of parents’ Game Boy
• Beginning to pay down student loans
• Feeling pressure to propose to longtime girlfriend, MegaMan 2
• Constantly wondering what comes next (despite little box that says so)
• Long piece starting to go limp prematurely
• Keeps putting off that trip back home to Russia
• Thinking about seeing Dr. Mario for a prostate exam
• Can’t tell if it’s his imagination or not but time seems to be going by faster
• Constantly explaining to parents that video games ARE his real job
• Getting really tired of that song
• Now when you beat the game, the little Russian man doesn’t dance, he just stays in, watches some Netflix, and hits the hay early