17 Things to Expect from the Upcoming ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ Movie

A new trailer for the upcoming Michael Bay ‘produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie just hit the internet, giving fans a glimpse at what to expect from the highly anticipated reboot. Here are some other things we can look forward to from this new incarnation of the Ninja Turtles:

• Jokes about how Splinter doesn’t understand Twitter.
• The introduction of Bebop and Rocksteady’s adopted son, Dubstep.
• A special cameo by Michelle Obama as a minor villain who replaces pizzas with veggie trays.
• The rumors are true: The film will use an alien origin story to explain the creation of Megan Fox.
• Tons more Ninja Turtles named after other famous artists, such as Warhol, Rauschenberg, Picasso, and Lena Dunham’s Mom.
• Slow-mo shots of April O'Neil washing cars, licking popsicles, and masturbating.
• Rent in the New York City sewers is now $9,000 a month.
• A long-overdue explanation of why, in the SNES classic ‘Turtles In Time,’ you can only hurt Slash by striking him from behind, even though his back is a big, spiked shell.
• Shredder is Muslim now for some reason.
• At one point William Fichtner turns to camera and says his name and the other movies he’s been in to keep the audience from giving up and checking IMDb during the movie.
• Leonardo is a violent anti-hero addicted to rough sex.
• A Monsanto representative has a small acting role where he stands with the mutated turtles, looks directly at camera, and says, ‘I guess pollution is pretty cool!”
• It’s probably safe to say two or three people might complain about it online.
• Stan Lee makes a cameo because at this point he’s just wandering around movie sets and smiling at cameras.
• It now takes forever to travel to Dimension X due to extensive TSA security checks.
• Post-credits cameo from the Street Sharks.
• Megan Fox as April O'Neil will be ALMOST as hot as the cartoon April O'Neil.