By: Dan Abramson

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How to Properly Execute the “Ice Bucket Challenge”

It’s all the rage and it benefits the ALS. Here’s how to make it count.

  • Accept challenge you received via social media to pour a bucket of ice water on your head
  • Find any bucket you have laying around the house
  • Fill bucket with ice
  • Begin typing your social media status message that will inevitably get a ton of likes
  • Accidentally type ‘Rice Bucket Challenge”
  • Laugh because you pictured people in Asia doing the Rice Bucket Challenge
  • Feel guilty because you’re not sure if that’s racist
  • Call your friend Jon to ask if that was a racist thought
  • No answer from Jon, as he’s probably avoiding you because you’ve likely made jokes like that in the past and you never realized till just now
  • Say that thought back to yourself, replace all L’s with R’s
  • Laugh loudly to yourself a bit
  • Write that down on a pad of paper to make sure you remember to tell someone other than Jon later
  • Ignore incoming call from Jon; he’s probably just calling to be a buzz-kill about your edgy humor. He’s always doing that.
  • Check Jon’s voicemail. ‘Blah blah, this is a coincidence that it seems like I’m returning your call, blah blah, it’s about your share of the rent being late, etc., etc. ‘
  • Get your priorities in order. This is the Ice Bucket Challenge and it’s for ALS
  • Pump yourself up. It’s go time.
  • Set up your camera to film yourself standing on a piece of furniture in your apartment doing your part for ALS
  • Hold bucket of ice water over your head
  • Wonder what ALS is
  • Wonder why so many people named Al are in need of help
  • Put bucket down and sit at computer in your bedroom
  • Google ‘Al needs help why”
  • Google ‘Als Icing Videos”
  • Google ‘Icing Videos Funny”
  • Recall that hilarious trend when Bros were icing Bros
  • Spend three hours watching YouTube videos of Bros Icing Bros and slapping your desk each time you laugh
  • Ignore incoming call from Jon; he’s probably just calling from the other room to tell you that your bucket of ice has melted and overflowed on his West Elm coffee table and New York Times that he never reads anyway
  • Turn around framed photo of you and Jon that you keep on your desk to make sure he can’t see you watching these dope icing videos. Jon hated Bros Icing Bros.
  • Wonder if his hatred of those videos stemmed from that time you burst in his room when he was making out with his Asian girlfriend and you chanted ‘Bros Ricing Bros”
  • Plank for like 10 minutes
  • Go back out to the living room and find your ice bucket has completely melted. Probably Jon’s fault.
  • Check the freezer and find you have no more ice because Jon ‘needs” to make smoothies every morning before going to his ‘job”
  • Go to local convenience store to purchase bags of ice
  • Purchase five bags of rice
  • Judge the guy at the cashier for giving you a quizzical look when you tell him ‘it’s for the internet”
  • Go home and film yourself pouring the hot rice over your head
  • Watch your video go viral when it’s reuploaded by someone and retitled ‘Idiot’s Roommate Moves Out While Making 5-Hour Icing Video”

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