By: Mike Scollins
Headlines We’d Rather See this Week
Because the actual news is just too much to handle right now, let’s pretend these are the stories from this week.

By: Mike Scollins
Because the actual news is just too much to handle right now, let’s pretend these are the stories from this week.
Sarah Palin resigned and the Keyboard Cat came to her rescue
The best marching band in the world is back to finally perform The Bed Intruder Song with a choreographed dance. INTERNETS!!
Starring Kristen Wiig and Brian Petsos. Public access news correspondent Jan Dawson interviews high school teacher Rick Jeffers. What ensues is a terrific portrayal of banality.
We all have a friend who doesn’t know he’s welcome at the orgy. Phil is that friend, on Christmas Eve.
When Toots the Clown becomes insecure, she takes drastic measures to fix what’s wrong in her life.