By: Funny Or Die
Once a relatively small event for counter-cultural types, Burning Man is now an annual destination for everyone from experimental college students to Silicon Valley CEOs. Here’s everything you need to know about this year’s Burn:
- Warning: There might be drugs there.
- Remember to bring Sunscreen to Burning Man! Sunscreen is the name of a dude who lives in a teepee on Redondo Beach and still needs a ride to the festival.
- Burning Man is the nation’s top destination for people to creatively express their trust funds.
- The festival culminates in the burning of a structure called The Temple, followed by the crowning of that year’s Burning Man King and Queen.
- Little known fact: The manlike effigy that’s burned each year and gives the festival its name is actually a likeness of America’s Funniest Home Videos host Tom Bergeron.
- Any child born at Burning Man shall be confiscated by the hoard, dipped in body paint, and named something like Crowbeak or Xanduth or Greg.
- Jeremy’s parents will be back on Sunday night, so everybody needs to be out by then, cool?
- For $900, the Burning Man Premium Pass gives you a complimentary pink body-morph suit, round-the-clock access to all 10 mud huts, and your own personal weirdo.
- This year, hula hooping is not allowed. Just kidding, of course hula hooping’s allowed. Spooked ya, though, huh?
- Once inside, no money is exchanged, so trade with your neighbors for food, art, and commodities futures.
- The gate to the festival is guarded by two magical statues that will incinerate anyone who shows fear. Or maybe that’s The NeverEnding Story. Honestly what’s the difference.
- The festival will conclude with extinguishing the Burning Man in the most ambitious ice bucket challenge to date.
- A business-casual dress code will be strictly enforced this year. Please plan accordingly.