By: Melinda Taub

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You Should Definitely Kill Me, by the Ebola Dog

Hi, humans. Maybe you’ve heard of me. I’m the dog in Madrid who belongs to an Ebola patient. The government has obtained a court order to euthanize me, to prevent me from potentially spreading the disease in case I am infected.

I 100% support this decision. You guys better put me down.

Do I want to die? No. Of course not. I love being alive. I love food and squeaky bones and being furry and every single human I’ve ever met.

But that’s the thing. I just love you all so much. If I knew I was responsible for spreading a deadly epidemic to some of you awesome humans – oof. I feel awful just thinking about it. You can’t see me right now, but I’m curling up in a ball with my tail over my nose, like the time I pooped on the rug. That’s how bad I feel. So please shoot me with medicine to make me dead.

Here is a picture of me with my person. My name is Excalibur.

Apparently my people don’t want me to be killed, which is why the government had to get that injunction (that’s a new word I learned! What a great day to be a dog!). And sorry to bum you out, but to think of my person beating her Ebola infection (which she definitely will, she is very strong and good) and then she gets out of the hospital and I’m not there to greet her – BRB, gotta go howl for a sec.

Oh man, there is the best bird outside my window! I just wanna go out and chase him and roll in the grass and play.

What were we talking about again? Oh right. Ebola. You should kill me.

We just don’t know much about Ebola, especially with regards to dogs. No one’s sure if dogs can catch or spread Ebola. And I’m so lonely right now in my quarantine room, I just know I’m going to lick the next person I see, a lot. I want to lick you all, all the time, because you taste great and are beautiful. So clearly, you’d better put me down.

OK, what else. I said to euthanize me, I told you about the bird, I think that’s it. Sooner rather than later, because I don’t want to accidentally rub my ears on someone’s hand and get Ebola on them. Again, I love you. Bye.

I feel fine, by the way.

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