By: Zack Poitras
The Myths and Truths About Flu Shots
As flu season approaches, it’s time for everyone to get a flu shot. Some are hesitant, however, due to all the myths out there about flu shots and the flu itself. We’re here to set the record straight:
|
Myth
|
Truth
|
|---|---|
| Flu vaccines can cause you to get the flu. | You can only get the flu from having a weak will and no self-confidence. |
| Washing your hands is the best defense. | Flu shots are the best defense – you don’t need to wash your hands unless you’re a doctor. |
| There is no treatment for the flu. | Tamiflu + constantly screaming ‘Flu don’t fly with ME!” clears it up in 1-2 weeks. |
| You definitely won’t get the flu after receiving a flu shot. | Some influenzas are too fuckin’ balls-to-the-wall to be stopped. |
| The flu vaccine will give your child autism. | You’re thinking of premarital sex. |
| Strong men should get a flu shot in each arm. | They just need one like the rest of us, but you have to jam it into their neck when they aren’t looking. |
| You can get the flu from Grizzly Bears. | Close, but Grizzly Bears are in fact the only worthy fighter of the flu, as they invented Vitamin C. |
| Flu shots taste delicious. | Don’t drink flu shots – either use a needle or snort it. |
| “Getting a flu shot,” is slang for getting humped in the arm by a man with a tiny dick. | That’s actually called a “Mosquito Machine Gun.” |
| Cold weather causes the flu. | The flu most forms when a wet child sneezes into the open mouth of a caring adult. It’s either that or premarital sex. |
Myth: Flu vaccines can cause you to get the flu.
Truth: You can only get the flu from having a weak will and no self-confidence.
Myth: Washing your hands is the best defense.
Truth: Flu shots are the best defense – you don’t need to wash your hands unless you’re a doctor.
Myth: There is no treatment for the flu.
Truth: Tamiflu + constantly screaming ‘Flu don’t fly with ME!” clears it up in 1-2 weeks.
Myth: You definitely won’t get the flu after receiving a flu shot.
Truth: Some influenzas are too fuckin’ balls-to-the-wall to be stopped.
Myth: The flu vaccine will give your child autism.
Truth: You’re thinking of premarital sex.
Myth: Strong men should get a flu shot in each arm.
Truth: They just need one like the rest of us, but you have to jam it into their neck when they aren’t looking.
Myth: You can get the flu from Grizzly Bears.
Truth: Close, but Grizzly Bears are in fact the only worthy fighter of the flu, as they invented Vitamin C.
Myth: Flu shots taste delicious.
Truth: Don’t drink flu shots – either use a needle or snort it.
Myth: “Getting a flu shot,” is slang for getting humped in the arm by a man with a tiny dick.
Truth: That’s actually called a “Mosquito Machine Gun.”
Myth: Cold weather causes the flu.
Truth: The flu most forms when a wet child sneezes into the open mouth of a caring adult. It’s either that or premarital sex.
