Super Mega Awesome

Founding Fathers despair! Obamacare has been upheld! A stunning defeat for personal freedom, morbid obesity, emergency rooms and funeral parlors! But perhaps more surprising than the individual mandate being upheld, is that some of the most controversial elements of Obamacare were also not ruled unconstitutional by the Supreme Court, largely because, despite what we were told by crazy drifters on public transportation and Fox News analysts (whose knowledge of politics and public policy are strikingly similar) they never actually existed. These included: