By: News

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Daily Brief: Midterms, Butt Downs, and More

Buying Votes
Tuesday elections are projected to be the most expensive midterms in history, with over $4 billion going into the campaigns. Analysts say most of these huge contributions come from people who don’t want their tax money used for stupid, pointless things.

Ol’ Joe’s Got a Trick Up His Sleeve
Vice President Joe Biden, known for his optimism, has declared that he doesn’t agree with polls and he believes that Democrats will “keep the Senate.” Biden went on to state that Thelma and Louise totally made it to Mexico.

Butt Down
Kansas City Chiefs tight end Anthony Fasano was able to score a touchdown while seated on his butt. Many were reminded of when Tom Brady competed in and won Super Bowl XXXIX while fast asleep.

Jailing Love
An Egyptian court has sentenced eight men to jail for three years after video footage surfaced showing a same-sex wedding ceremony. The judge ruled the video was in violation of the law against making judges feel uncomfortable about their own repressed homosexuality.

This Is What Pretending to Be a Feminist Looks Like
An investigative report found that women factory workers in Mauritius making “pro feminist” t-shirts are paid under $1 an hour. To be fair, men making the same shirts are paid $1.25 an hour, constituting a much smaller wage gap than exists in any American industry.

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