By: FunnyorDieIU

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How to Survive Your First Indiana November

How to Survive Your First Indiana November

By: Kaitlyn Blansett

Congratulations! You ‘ve already persevered through back to school silliness, Labor Day hubaloo, PSL season (that ‘s pumpkin spice latte for you basics), and the array of slutty cat costumes that littered (haha get it?) this campus in the first months of the fall semester. As we round the bend to the end of the semester and the end of the calendar year, many of you non-native Hoosiers might be in for the wintery ride of your lives. This article will warn you, scare you, make you feel uncomfortable, but ultimately give you the best advice on how to survive your first Indiana November.

Immediately you may bethink, ‘Winter????? WTF? It ‘s only November. I ain ‘t scared of no winter yet.” First, I would like to applaud you on picking up so quickly on our quirky dialect. Although as students receiving a higher education, we tend to not use such phrases in formal speech. Secondly, I ‘ll chuckle softly and pat all your backs.Winter in Indiana knows no month, no temperature, and no boundaries. They are the ex-boyfriend who keeps parking in the school parking lot across from your best friend ‘s house to see how late you stay and what you ‘re talking about and ‘hey would you maybe consider getting a cup of coffee sometime? ‘ Next thing you know, ole boyfriend Winter is back, crashed on your couch in his sweatpants, refusing to leave until you make him a Panini. So you make him the Panini. PYSCH. Lol. He ‘s not leaving yet.

Let ‘s get into it: The Real Advice

  • Become entirely unbiased about everything in your life. Our society has become so polarized. You ‘re either a republican or a democrat, pro-choice or pro-life, loving Taylor Swift or concealing your love for Taylor Swift. Hoosiers either love winter or loathe it. But in November, nobody is going to get their way. It ‘s 70 degrees one day, 30 the next. You walk to class in the snow in the morning and in the rain in the afternoon. Don ‘t rub it in Julia ‘s face when the day is warm, because tomorrow it very well could be Julia ‘s perfect 25 degrees and she ‘ll be rubbing it in your face. Let us put down our weapons and put on a pair of shorts underneath those pants. Just in case.
Julia really loves snow.

  • Always have potatoes. Hot potatoes specifically. Not the child ‘s game, but Laura Ingles Wilder style.When those November mornings start to get chilly and when Snowpocalypse (or Snowmageddon or whatever you like to call it) rears its ugly head, you ‘ll understand. You ‘ll thank me when you reach your frozen fingers deep into those furry coat pockets and gently brush the back of your hand against the rough, earthy skin of your warm potato. As you shamelessly hand-embrace the potato,realize two things:
  • 1) that smiling too much while fiddling in your pocketlooks suspicious
  • 2) Laura Ingles Wilder was bae.
Laura Ingles Wilder: bae since 1867

  • Have a stock of candles. Inevitably, the snow will make your power go out. Simultaneously, every single event you could possibly entertain yourself with will be cancelled. Don ‘t fret! Use this time as an opportunity to bond with your roommates or your cat! Make s ‘mores over the candle light. Summon some demons. Sacrifice a goat. Light it on fire to keep warm. Whatever you do, just be creative!

  • Go buy some milk and bread for the first snow and every snow thereafter. It ‘s a thing. I don ‘t understand it, but I do it. Even if you already have milk and bread,there ‘s just something comforting about going out to the store where you can socialize with various panicky moms. There ‘s something exhilarating and dangerous about trying to out run the snow on your way home. There ‘s something enthralling about stocking up on supplies, like you ‘re in some sort of apocalyptic war movie. And, with your abundance of milk and bread you can make snackies for the roomies! How about a nice piece of toast? No? How about a nice piece of just bread? Still no? Refer to step 3. And while you ‘re at the store,don ‘t forget the potatoes.

  • Just stay positive! It ‘s longer than you think, and not in a good way. If you, like me, detest cold weather and if you, like me, firmly believe that winter should last from December 1- February 1, then you are in for a world of disappointment. Indiana winters don ‘t care about the end of January, and the spring you once held near and dear is now a possible victim too. Oh, you want some cold stats (haha get it?!)? I don ‘t have any for you. But I can tell you that snow is possible from October until April. So you can live eight out of the twelve months wishing things weren ‘t the way they are, or we can go build a snowman.
Do you wanna build a snowman?

Remember that in Indiana, you can experience all four seasons in one day. That ‘s pretty much our slogan. Racial diversity? Not so much. Weather diversity? You betcha!

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