Why Haven ‘t These States Legalized Same Sex Marriage?

Gay marriage advocates won another two victories on Wednesday as the U.S. Supreme Court allowed Kansas to become the 33rd U.S. state where same-sex couples can wed and a federal judge struck down South Carolina ‘s ban. Here ‘s why the remaining 17 states are still holding out:

• Louisiana: Unmarried gay men are the secret ingredient to the perfect gumbo.
• Montana: Doesn ‘t want to turn into some godless, liberal, Obama-loving state like Wyoming.
• Texas: Worried same-sex marriage would undermine traditional definition of marriage as between a man and a gun.
• South Dakota: Can ‘t do anything without approval of big brother North Dakota.
• Nebraska: The last thing they need is another reason for people to think ‘Cornhusker” is some kind of gay thing.
• North Dakota: Residents are convinced they already did it and are smugly shaking their heads at the rest of the states who haven ‘t.
• Missouri: Mark Twain never created a character called ‘Faggot Jim” to help citizens empathize with homosexuals.
• Michigan: Legalized gay marriage would cause massive camouflage industry to realize how tacky it is.
• Arkansas: Honestly, just full of homophobes.
• Tennessee: They don ‘t like gay stuff, only straight stuff like the fabulous Grand Ole Oprey, Graceland, and Dollywood.
• Georgia: Gotta run it by Madea first.
• Mississippi: YOU try saying ‘Mississippi” with a lisp.
• Alabama: Contradicts the state ‘s storied history of being on the wrong side of history.
• South Carolina: Deadlocked between proponents of ‘midland-style” gay marriage, which uses a mustard-based sauce on the shoulder, and those who favor ‘coastal-style” gay marriage, which uses as a spicy vinegar-and-pepper sauce on the whole body.
• Ohio: State officials say having Drew Carey as one of their most famous citizens is ‘as close to gay as we ‘re willing to go.”
• Florida: C ‘mon.
• Kentucky: Just too much to handle for a state whose abbreviation is already KY.