Napoleon ‘s Hat
A South Korean man bought Napoleon ‘s hat at auction for 1.9 million Euros. The man said he is planning to don the hat in battle during his upcoming Starcraft II: Legacy of the Void campaign.
Internet hacker collective Anonymous has seized Ku Klux Klan Twitter accounts after the hate group threatened to use ‘lethal force” against Ferguson protesters. The KKK has threatened all-out war if the hacktivists delete any of their awesome #CivilWarBandNames hashtag jokes.
Super-PACs will be Super-PACs
CNN has found that Republicans used anonymous Twitter accounts to share internal polling data ahead of the midterm elections, a practice that might violate campaign finance laws that prohibit coordination between super-PACs. Chastened Republicans apologized and pledged to repeal any campaign finance laws they violated as soon as possible.
In a visit to Australia, President Obama remarked that neither nation ‘has been the most energy-efficient”, referring to the United States and Australia being the top two worst offenders in terms of carbon pollution per capita. Even worse, most Australian power plants run on koala ears.
NFL vs. DEA:
The DEA conducted a surprise inspection of NFL teams to examine the illegal distribution of prescription painkillers. If the DEA succeeds in addressing the issue, the NFL will exclusively be made up of humongous, enraged, steroid-filled monster-men in an incredible amount of pain.