By: Pat O'Brien
0001GREETINGS, HUMANOIDS. I AM CYBER GARFIELD, VIRTUAL LAZY-CAT FROM CYBERSPACE. http:////As you know, my practical counterpart, flesh-Garfield, HATES Mondays. S0 naturally it follows that I, CYBER GARFIELD, despise CYBER MONDAYS.
0101010100000101111001001 [*dial-up noise*] When my bothersome web master, J0n ARBATRON, tried to rouse me from SLEEP MODE this morning, it took everything I had not to spit in his flickering, computer-generated face. “C:\BOOT UP, CYBER GARFIELD!” he commanded, “It ‘s a beautiful Cyber Monday morning!”
“ERROR 404” I pleaded, digging my cyber-claws into the bed ‘s mainframe, but he persisted: “U have an appointment with the CYBER VET, Garfield, and I want to beat the WEB TRAFFIC. Oh, and it ‘s RAINING outside.”
Must be a Cyber Monday.
ALL I www.anted.to/do/today was stay inside eating digital lasagna, but CYBER MONDAY had OTHER plans. I returned from the vet to see ‘ who else ‘ but Virtua-Nermal, that loathsome “cute” kitten whom I would like nothing more than to attach to an email and send to a server in Abu Dhabi.
00000Oh brother, this was shaping up to be 1 of those Cyber Mondays.
GENERATING ERROR REPORT>>>>>>>>
– Tried hacking into mainframe of lasagnarestaurant.com but kept getting a laughing skull icon. Thanks, Cyber Monday.
– Microsoft Silverlight update failed to install. Nice one, Cyber Monday.
– ODIE DOG 5000 knocked me over and e-slobbered all over my face. Got 2 B Cyber Monday.
– Accidentally ate a bag of microchips thinking they were potato chips ‘ then remembered I actually prefer microchips ‘ then realized it was dog shit. Yep, this was a textbook Cyber Monday.
So enjoy your hot online deals, America, because Cyber Garfield can ‘t EVEN deal with Cyber Monday.