By: Little Orphan Annie
Please Stop Calling Me “Little Orphan” Annie
Um, hey, guys. So I hate really hate complaining and I totally agree with that whole “children should be seen not heard” thing it ‘s just ‘ this has been kinda bothering me lately ‘ do we really need to call me “Little Orphan” Annie? I know it ‘s what you ‘re all used to and I know it ‘s how I was introduced but, guys, c ‘mon. This is just unnecessarily cruel to a little girl who, I ‘m sure you all agree, has already been dealt a pretty rough hand in life.
My name ‘s Annie. Just Annie. I don ‘t know why everyone insists on reminding me that I ‘m an orphan. I promise you ‘ I haven ‘t forgotten and I live with it every day. It ‘s not like if you just call me regular Annie I ‘ll assume I ‘m some privileged girl with loving parents. I know I don ‘t have those and kinda resent the constant reminder. I promise I ‘m not trying to be difficult. I could MAYBE understand “Little Orphan Annie” if there were like multiple Annies in the room and you needed to differentiate. So if you were like, “The Annie I ‘m referring to is Little Orphan Annie.” I ‘d be slightly more OK with it. But to be totally honest, even then I ‘d still prefer to be called, like, “Annie B.” or something less degrading. (But, for real, this whole thing is a moot point because I am always the only Annie in the room. Calling me Little Orphan Annie is ultra specific and always in a situation where specificity isn ‘t needed.)
I didn ‘t ask to be an orphan. In fact, it was quite the opposite. When my parents dropped me off I clearly remember being like, “What are you doing? Please don ‘t do this.” I know this is my lot in life but to have that fact be adopted as a full legal name is super uncool. Also, you just made me type the word “adopted” and that ‘s uncool too cause I really wanna be. It ‘s not even like I mind a nickname. It ‘s just that there are PLENTY of other interesting things about me. “Little Red Head Annie.” “Wears The Same Dress Every Day Annie.” “Sung the Sample in Jay Z ‘s ‘Hard Knock Life ‘ Annie.” These are all super unique characteristics that none of you feel are more important than capital “O” ORPHAN. I am more than my lack of my parents. I invent and sing a new, REALLY GOOD song every day. Usually with choreography!! Why don ‘t people care about that? “Here comes Singin ‘ and Dancin ‘ Annie!” Ugh, that would be sweet. And not to split hairs but Christina ‘s just as much an orphan as I am and she gets to be “Beautiful Christina.” Like, I know I ‘m not as pretty as her in the conventional sense of the word but even “Average Looking Annie” would do a world of good for my self esteem. Actually, you know what? Average Looking Annie has a terrific ring to it and I ‘m gonna see if I can make it stick.
Look, I ‘m only 10 years old. And I ‘ve already had a tough life. I only eat mush and I ‘m always cleaning the orphanage. I sing about my parents coming back but I clearly know they ‘re not. The ONE bright spot in my life is this dog with fleas that I ‘m pretty sure is only pretending to be my friend to get closer to Beautiful Christina. And it ‘s just like ‘ I respect you all enough to call you by your actual names. All I ‘m asking for is that same respect. Oh, and parents! I ‘m also asking for parents.
Average Looking Annie