By: Nate Dern
The National Sleep Foundation released a report with their recommended daily sleep allotments for various age groups, with adults suggested to get 7 to 9 hours of sleep. Soon after, the National Snooze Foundation released their own report.
National Snooze Foundation ‘s Daily Snooze Recommendations
The National Snooze Foundation, based on rigorous scientific study, extensive population sampling, and in-depth laboratory research, recommends the following as the optimal amounts for your daily allotment of snooze.
- Monday: snooze 45 – 55 minutes. Studies suggest that you should set your alarm an hour earlier than you need to for work in order to “try to get some exercise for once”; hit the snooze button at least ten times but do not get up until you ‘ll have to rush to just be on time; quietly quietly bemoan in a groggy voice, “I ‘ve got a busy week ahead and I needed the rest. I ‘ll exercise next week”
- Tuesday: snooze 0 – 5 minutes. Briefly fall into a snooze after you turn your alarm off, and then quickly awake with a start as, in a moment of panic, you look at the time wrong and momentarily think that you ‘ve slept through your alarm
- Wednesday: snooze 20 – 30 minutes. It ‘s the middle of the week and you could use a little more rest, so our experts recommend snoozing just long enough to not quite receive the benefits of a deeper, more restful REM sleep; you won ‘t actually be any more rested, but you might be able to trick yourself into thinking you ‘ve done something productive
- Thursday: snooze 10 – 120 minutes. Research shows that most adults will be able to turn off their snooze alarm and fall fully back to sleep, telling themselves that they ‘re just “resting their eyes”; cycling through a variety of excuses to tell your boss, ranging from “alarm didn ‘t go off” to “traffic was bad” to “my cat was sick ‘no not Trombones again, this time it was Renly,” proves most effective
- Friday: snooze 4 minutes and 1 second. This is exactly enough time to snooze while you play David Bowie ‘s “Life On Mars” in the background, a subliminal message to your subconscious about the bittersweet beauty of life, and the prefect way to kickstart your Friday!
- Saturday: snooze 0 minutes. For no reason snap to full consciousness an hour before you normally have to get up during the week; curse your brain aloud by shouting, “Whose side are you on anyway, brain!”
- Sunday: snooze 360 – 500 minutes. Wake up with terrible hangover; take Advil and drink Gatorade and then go back to sleep; quietly bemoan in a groggy voice, “Ugh, I wasted my whole Sunday” and make a plan to set your alarm an hour earlier so you can get up and exercise on Monday to start the week off right