By: Low Budget Sketch Show
A guy gets more than he bargained for when he orders a turkey sandwich for dinner.
A rap music video dedicated to all the G’s that be stayin’ in our apartment…but they ain’t payin’ rent…’cause they don’t live here. We’re talking to you, roommate’s girlfriend who spends the night way too much. Written & performed by CORINNE FISHER & KRYSTYNA HUTCHINSON Track recorded & produced by BORIS KHAYKIN YOU DON ‘T LIVE HERE ‘ Lyrics – By Corinne Fisher & Krystyna Hutchinson C: Yo, this jam is dedicated to all the G ‘s that be stayin ‘ in our apartment K: But they ain ‘t payin ‘ rent ’cause you don ‘t live here C: ‘Cause they don ‘t live here K: Workin ‘ on my thesis paper, Spark Notin ‘ Moby Dick/ Makin ‘ dope comparisons, headboard bangs against the wall quick C: Pad my bibliography, a girl screams out a fake/ I didn ‘t think I lived in San Fran Both: Is this an earfquake? (Spoken: K: Man, that ‘s a 10 on the Rictor Scale C: Is that the Full House house?) C: Get your chips out my chickpeas Both: You don ‘t live here K: You ‘re using my good shampoo Both: You don ‘t live here C: Come over here and let me sniff your hair Both: That ‘s John Frieda, bitch! K: I wanna take a shit in your purse Both: ‘Cause you don ‘t live here C: Came home from the holidays/ Stockin ‘ full of Tupperware/ Bitch, where ‘d all my cookies go?/ ‘Cause Santa ain ‘t been here K: ‘Cause she ‘s a Jew and you ‘z a ho, ho, ho K: I bought some smoked salmon with my birthday check/ So if you touch it, bitch I ‘m gonna break your neck/ Wait, hold up, where ‘d my salmon go?/ Send out a search party Both: ‘Cause I ‘m lookin ‘ for Nemo (Spoken: K: I got that shit in Tribeca) K: You get the next round of toilet paper Both: You don ‘t live here C: This ain ‘t Russia, bitch Both: You don ‘t live here K: John Frieda shit was mad pricey Both: It was medicated K: Salon exclusive C: I got Psoriasis (Spoken: K: Frieda doesn ‘t test his shoot on animals. Human testing is pricier. Aaaaand riskier. C: I come home after work/ White powder on my mirror/ Gotta lick it all up/ ‘Cause I ‘m tryin ‘ to see clearer K: Now my world is spinnin ‘ and it ‘s all because you (Spoken: K: Can you Hopstop my address, man? I don ‘t know where the fuck I ‘m at Sniff sniff, you got any more-a that? C: It states very clearly in the roommate contract that there is to be no hard drugs) K: My six-pack is down to four Both: You don ‘t live here C: Yeah, my forty ‘s rockin ‘ twenty ounces Both: You don ‘t live here K: I know I had more weed than that Both: You don ‘t live here C: John Frieda shit don ‘t grow on trees Both: You don ‘t live here K: Muthafucka (Spoken: C: No, you really, you really don ‘t live here. Get out. K: This rap was recorded and produced by Boris Khaykin. Ladies, he ‘s very well-endowed. And from the Ukraine.)