By: Funny Or Die

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11 Tips For Having A Sexy Presidents’ Day

Presidents ‘ Day is coming up, that one special day in February when couples across the country profess their love for one another, celebrate the legacy of our nation ‘s leaders past and present, and then get down real nasty-like. Here are some tips to ensure that you have the sexiest ‘ and most patriotic ‘ Presidents ‘ Day yet.

  • Make sure your Martin Van Buren wig has been professionally cleaned since last year ‘s sexual escapades
  • Hand-feed your lover steaming hot turtle soup, the favorite food of President William Taft
  • Celebrate Thomas Jefferson with some interracial sex
  • If you experience premature ejaculation, make a lighthearted joke about William Henry Harrison, who died after just 32 days in office
  • Try some fun ass-play by inserting the Starr report into your partner ‘s anus; remember to use lube and to ask first!
  • ‘Grover Cleveland” your lover with two non-consecutive orgasms
  • Imagine you are Andrew Jackson by making love after lying to some American Indians
  • This year, don ‘t wait to make Presidents ‘ Day plans last minute! It is much easier to get restaurant reservations one or two nights before, say on February 14th
  • InaugORAL Address: Recite the Gettysburg Address into your partner ‘s genitals
  • Surprise your partner with sexy lingerie made from the original copy of the Constitution (you will have to steal this)
  • Send your partner a dozen red articles of impeachment
  • Fuck in the Lincoln Memorial

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