By: Funny Or Die
The long-awaited film version of the hit erotic romance novel Fifty Shades of Grey opens this weekend. Here are some key differences between the movie and the book:
- The provocative sex scenes where Christian and Anastasia talk about the irrefutable honesty and integrity of Brian Williams had to be removed.
- The terms ‘gal gulch,” ‘backdoor pucker,” ‘slick pud,” and ‘turge donk,” while ubiquitous in the book, never appear in the movie.
- In the book, Christian Grey is a big ol ‘ slobbery pervert, whereas in the movie, he is a great huge horned-up sex-psycho.
- The film features no actual penetration, only a series of near-misses.
- In the books, Christian Grey ‘s iconic Fiftymobile looks more like a normal car, and doesn ‘t have any rocket launchers.
- Ana ‘s prolonged seduction is now a bouncy montage set to Blondie ‘s ‘One Way Or Another.”
- Christian Grey ‘s penis is nine centimeters longer in the film version.
- While in the film, deviant millionaire Christian Grey is played by Jamie Dornan, he is played in the book by Paul Giamatti.
- The film has a definite sexual tension between Ana and Christian that is not present in the book.
- The scene where Christian and Ana first use Ben Wa balls has been replaced by a scene where the couple first streams their favorite shows on the Samsung Galaxy Note ‘ 4.
- A lot of the bondage is clearly CGI'ed.
- The movie is a cynical cash grab, whereas the book is a guileless cash grab.
- You ‘re far more likely to be arrested for masturbating at the movie theater than you are at the library.