By: Spitting Image
chart 2 (wide)
It was just announced that Girls star Allison Williams will be playing the lead in NBC ‘s upcoming live production of Peter Pan. But Allison isn ‘t the first actor with the last name Williams to step into the pointy green shoes; funnyman Robin Williams also played Pan in the 1991 movie Hook. Meaningless coincidence? Or the perfect opportunity to play “Who ‘s the Better Peter Pan: Williams Edition?!”
 ALLISON |
 ROBIN |
EDGE | |
|---|---|---|---|
| SWEAT CONTAINMENT | I’ve never seen her sweat. | His clothes have never been dry. | ALLISON |
| GENDER BENDING | We frequently think of Allison Williams naked so we don’t like picturing her as a 12 year old boy. | Didn’t even realize it was him playing Mrs. Doubtfire ’til the end of the movie. | ROBIN. No Doubt-fire. |
| HAIR | It’s like a shampoo commercial. | It’s like… everywhere. | ALLISON |
| DISNEY CONNECTION | Looks like a cartoon princess. | He’s The Genie! | DRAW. (Hah! Draw! Like a cartoon!) |
| NAME THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING THAT FLIES | Nothing that flies is named Allison. | Robins are the name of a bird that flies. | Let him out of The Birdcage, it’s ROBIN again! |
| ABILITY TO DO IMPRESSIONS | She can probably do a good one of her dad because she grew up with him. | Can pretty much do it all, but usually sticks to John Wayne or ‘hysterical black lady’. | ROBIN |
| CLOSENESS WITH BILLY CRYSTAL | The two stars have never been photographed together. | Get these two cut-ups in front of a camera and YOU’LL be seeing stars… from falling down laughing! | TIE (between Robin and Whoopi Goldberg – Allison loses) |
| ABILITY TO TRICK FAMILY INTO THINKING YOU ARE AN OLD WOMAN | There’s potential here, but she’s yet to step up to the plate. | Already knocked it out of the park. | ROBIN |
| APPEAL TO BRIAN WILLIAMS | Is Brian Williams’ daughter, he created her. | You might think Allison is a shoe-in for this one, but you ‘d be wrong. Brian Williams is a huge comedy fan; from 30 Rock to Rock Center, this guy knows comedy. It’s a sure bet he’ll be watching Allison and wishing he was busting his gut watching Robin. | As always Fathers’ Day star ROBIN WILLIAMS is the father’s choice. |
| DICK SIZE | No penis. | Standard? | ROBIN |
| AMOUNT OF MONEY RAISED TO HELP END HOMELESSNESS IN THE 80s | Almost none. Having been born in 1988 doesn’t help, but still. | He, Billy Crystal and Whoopi Goldberg teamed up with HBO for a series of money-raising telethons called Comic Relief. | ROBIN |
| SEXINESS | Very attractive. | Why are you thinking about doing sex stuff with Peter Pan, anyway? He’s a kid, you pervert! | Not you, that ‘s for sure. I ‘m staying away from you. |
| OVERALL SIMILARITY TO PETER PAN | Sweet, looks good in green, would be friendly at a dinner party. | Like Peter, would talk really fast, run around, and after a ton of “fairy dust” would believe he could fly. | ROBIN |
SWEAT CONTAINMENT
Allison: I’ve never seen her sweat.
Robin: His clothes have never been dry.
GENDER BENDING
Allison: We frequently think of Allison Williams naked so we don’t like picturing her as a 12 year old boy.
Robin: Didn’t even realize it was him playing Mrs. Doubtfire ’til the end of the movie.
HAIR
Allison: It’s like a shampoo commercial.
Robin: It’s like… everywhere.
DISNEY CONNECTION
Allison: Looks like a cartoon princess.
Robin: He’s The Genie!
NAME THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING THAT FLIES
Allison: Nothing that flies is named Allison.
Robin: Robins are the name of a bird that flies.
ABILITY TO DO IMPRESSIONS
Allison: She can probably do a good one of her dad because she grew up with him.
Robin: Can pretty much do it all, but usually sticks to John Wayne or ‘hysterical black lady’.
CLOSENESS WITH BILLY CRYSTAL
Allison: The two stars have never been photographed together.
Robin: Get these two cut-ups in front of a camera and YOU’LL be seeing stars… from falling down laughing!
ABILITY TO TRICK FAMILY INTO THINKING YOU ARE AN OLD WOMAN
Allison: There’s potential here, but she’s yet to step up to the plate.
Robin: Already knocked it out of the park.
APPEAL TO BRIAN WILLIAMS
Allison: Is Brian Williams’ daughter, he created her.
Robin: You might think Allison is a shoe-in for this one, but you ‘d be wrong. Brian Williams is a huge comedy fan; from 30 Rock to Rock Center, this guy knows comedy. It’s a sure bet he’ll be watching Allison and wishing he was busting his gut watching Robin.
DICK SIZE
Allison: No penis.
Robin: Standard?
AMOUNT OF MONEY RAISED TO HELP END HOMELESSNESS IN THE 80s
Allison: Almost none. Having been born in 1988 doesn’t help, but still.
Robin: He, Billy Crystal and Whoopi Goldberg teamed up with HBO for a series of money-raising telethons called Comic Relief.
SEXINESS
Allison: Very attractive.
Robin: Why are you thinking about doing sex stuff with Peter Pan, anyway? He’s a kid, you pervert!
OVERALL SIMILARITY TO PETER PAN
Allison: Sweet, looks good in green, would be friendly at a dinner party.
Robin: Like Peter, would talk really fast, run around, and after a ton of “fairy dust” would believe he could fly.
