By: Funny Or Die
13 Product Updates From Apple’s Keynote
Today Apple held their long-awaited Keynote in which they unveiled the Apple Watch, a new, redesigned MacBook, and more. Here are some of the other product updates you may have missed:
- Apple Watch ‘s touch interface makes it the first watch that can reverse time
- New mouse pad capable of achieving climax if fingered just right
- Battery life now has meaning
- New Apple Wardrobe lets you dress like the stylish gray-haired men who speak at Apple Keynotes
- MacBooks will no longer have fans and will also now be called ‘The New York Knicks”
- We weren ‘t watching that closely but it looks like the iPhone cures Parkinson ‘s
- New MacBook has single, cloaca-like hole, just like a duck
- Health App automatically shares details of your slothful lifestyle with doctors so future generations can avoid destroying their bodies like you have
- New MacBook comes in ‘space gray,” ‘space gold,” and ‘space regular-MacBook-color”
- New back-lit LED keyboard allows for easy typing of porn search terms in basement apartments with cardboard over the windows
- You can spill water on MacBooks now and they ‘ll work just fine, even the ones you already own ‘ go ahead, try it!
- Apple Watch starts at $399, or five cereal box tops
- Get HBO NOW and no need to buy cable! Get new MacBook and have to buy, like, 12 different cables.