Leaked Apple Memo: Steve Jobs Critiques Tim Cook ‘s Liver

In a new Steve Jobs biography released this week, current Apple CEO Tim Cook reveals that he offered to give Jobs half his liver, an operation that potentially would have extended the cancer-stricken tech icon ‘s life. Jobs, however, declined Cook ‘s offer in a less-than-gracious manner, as can be seen in this recently unearthed memo from 2009:

TO: Tim Cook
FROM: Steve Jobs
RE: I Would Be Honored To Donate Part Of My Liver To You, Steve
DATE: 02-04-2009

Tim,

I don ‘t want to insult either of us by mincing words: Your liver stinks. Yes, I am desperately in need of a liver transplant, and yes, incredibly, you and I share the same rare blood type, making such a transplant possible. But there ‘s no two ways about it ‘ I wouldn ‘t put that thing in my body for love or money.

I ‘ve looked over the scans of your liver, Tim, and while I ‘ll concede that you ‘ve done admirable work in terms of functionality ‘ i.e., it acceptably filters toxins from the bloodstream ‘ there is simply no improvement over the current model in terms of usability, design or aesthetics. I look at it this way: I COULD settle for something that just works and would likely extend my life, or I could have a mass of healthy tissue that is not only functional, but also incredibly beautiful and undeniably timeless.

I ‘m looking for a liver that, when compared to the old one, will make it seem completely archaic. It should not only encapsulate the future of livers but also have that classic liver feel. In other words, it should simultaneously give me the sense that the liver is state-of-the-art, but has also somehow always existed. I want an almost religious experience where I ‘m frequently reminded of what a singular, gorgeous organ it is instead of simply taking it for granted as it creates biochemicals for digestion, just like any other liver out there.

Also, 3.4 pounds?! Are you kidding me?! You expect me to lug that thing around all day, every day? This seems to be a clear case of your vision outpacing what can be done with the available materials ‘ which I absolutely encourage ‘ but you can ‘t honestly expect that this pig of a liver is ready for the marketplace (my body)! It ‘ll have to be DRASTICALLY slimmed down before I can realistically consider it for the Fall 2010 lineup of my organs.

And I shouldn ‘t even have to mention this, but that deep maroon red color is just awful, awful, awful.How about some options like white, gold, a sleek metallic space gray, or some other understated,sophisticated palette? As is, it ‘s just irretrievably gaudy.

Look, Tim ‘ I partially take responsibility for emboldening you like this. The hard truth is that while you ‘re an incredibly loyal, supremely talented employee, you ‘re just not a visionary. I should have realized this when you kept coming to me with that god-awful idea for a smart watch. As long as I ‘m alive, a useless, totally unnecessary “Apple Watch” that just does the same things that an iPhone does will NEVER see the light of day.

Best,

Steve (Jobs)