By: News
The TSA’s Behavioral Checklist For Spotting Terrorists
Is this woman acting terroristy? Terroristy isn ‘t a word? Sounds like a grammatical point a terrorist would know ‘
A copy of he TSA ‘s terrorists ‘ behavior checklist was recently leaked, and it ‘s full of interesting information. Acts such as looking down or having a pale face will earn you points toward being an enemy of America,but that ‘s not all they ‘re looking for. If you ‘re worried you might be exhibiting terrorist-like behavior at airports, give a look at the checklist we ‘ve compiled below for some of the actions not mentioned in the official TSA list.
- Nervously fiddles with their grenade in the security line +1
- Wears an “Osama Bid Laden \#1!” foam finger +2
- Can correctly spell the name of any of the “-stan” countries +1
- Asks you to please not open their passport as they hand it to you. +1
- Claims reason for visiting destination is “supes normal reasons. Do you guys check crotches at security?” +1
- Yells, “I ‘m a terrorist!” and then when you ask, “Did you just say you ‘re a terrorist?” they respond, “Nah.” +2
- Yells, “I ‘m a terrorist!” and then when you ask, “Did you just say you ‘re a terrorist?” they respond, “Yup.” +3
- Winks as they answer “No” to the question, “Does your bag contain any hazardous materials?” +2
- Quotes a book +1
- Uses the phrase, “I guess you jihad to be there.” +2
- Smells like a bomb +3
- Talks about the time he/she bombed the U.S.S. Cole +2
- Calls it “11/9” +3
- References the shoe bomber simply as Rick +1
- References having voted for a third-party candidate +4
- Anxiously sweating all over their bag marked “Not Dynamite!” +2
- Looks at TSA agent confusedly when asked if he or she would like a road soda +2
- Is excited to fly Delta +6
- Keeps shoehorning the phrase, “State sponsored terrorism is the worst, right guys?” into conversation in a way that makes it clear that they don ‘t actually believe that. +3
- Not white +9
