Truth About Kombucha

“If I was a parasitic alien hive mind, dead set on taking over the world, like in The Puppet Masters, The Faculty, or Invasion of the Body Snatchers etc., I would take over the body of some teenager with a weird name like G.T. Dave – a weird name so when he started acting weird, people would just say, “Oh well, his name IS G.T. Dave. What do you expect? ‘ Then I would used G.T. Dave ‘s body to make and sell a weird health food “tea ‘ with a weird name like Kombucha, or something. I would make all kinds of crazy claims about the health benefits of this “tea ‘. The “tea ‘ would really just be spores of my being used to infect and take over human bodies. I would tell people that the spores where part of making the “tea ‘ and that they are good. I would say that there is some alcohol in the “tea ‘ so if anyone starts “acting weird ‘ after drinking, the weirdness would be explained by the alcohol, and no one would suspect alien spores. I would also put a warning on the bottle telling people not to shake the bottle – shaken baby syndrome is the same across the universe. I would control the world in no time! ‘