By: Mike Scollins
OK, There Are WAY Too Many Pictures Of Kids Killing Their Stepdads Online!!
This country is going to hell in hand basket. I know there are a million other issues worth focusing on, but this, in particular, really gets my goat: Why are there SO MANY pictures of kids murdering their stepdads online?!
And, boys, I get it. Honestly, I do. Who hasn ‘t thought about killing their stepdad? But you gotta remember, he makes your mom very happy and just cause your real dad isn ‘t living with you anymore, it doesn ‘t mean he loves you any less. These pictures are NOT a healthy outlet!
Like take a look at these particularly egregious examples:
I mean COME ON. Why does anyone think we need to see this picture of a boy, about my age, height, and demeanor, grabbing his stepdad by the neck and choking him out?! It ‘s super disrespectful and, honestly, a little creepy. NEXT!
AY YI YI! What stepdad and son even posed for this picture in the first place?! Like we need today ‘s youth checking out Instagram and seeing a picture of a boy, who ‘s clearly had enough, tossing his Mom ‘s new husband down a never-ending set a stairs?! Violence isn ‘t a joke and honestly it looks like this guy is genuinely hurt! NEXT!
OK, YES, I ‘ll give you the stepdad in this photo is asking for it. He ‘s just invited his stepson to a Sox game on Saturday even though he knows FULL WELL that ‘s a thing the son likes to do with his REAL father. Stop trying to force a bond!! Also this particular stepdad, let ‘s call him Rick, is clearly a Yankees fan cause that ‘s the hat he was wearing when they first met! It ‘s like JESUS CHRIST dude you ‘re trying too hard! Still, though, there was no need to paint this picture of him taking a chainsaw to the head. NEXT!
This is that same Rick the stepdad falling into a secret hole that had been covered in leaves. Watch out for that velociraptor at the bottom, ya sumabitch! NEXT!
OK, fine, this is very clearly just a picture of a pussy.
LISTEN, RICK! YOU ‘RE NOT MY FUCKING FATHER AND YOU ‘RE NEVER GOING TO BE! MY DAD ‘S NAME IS PATRICK O ‘BRIEN AND HE ‘S 10X THE MAN YOU ‘LL EVER BE. HE DOESN ‘T PRETEND TO LIKE BOB ‘S BURGERS JUST SO HE CAN HANG OUT WITH ME HE REALLY DOES LIKE IT!! WHY DON ‘T YOU FUCKING JUMP OFF A CLIFF AND GET YOUR DICK BITTEN OFF BY A LANDSHARK?!
Oh wow. This is a picture of a stepdad jumping off a cliff and getting his dick bitten off by a landshark. That ‘s kinda spooky!
Twin stepdads suckin ‘ each other ‘s dicks for fun.
This is a cool dude pissing on his stepdad ‘s grave while his mom and real dad (who are back together now) wait in the car. This one, I ‘ll be honest, I kinda like.
Well, all these pictures are a bummer but I ‘m glad my ‘rents got back together at the end. Bye.