By: Fran Gillespie

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Why I Deserve 77% Pay

As a simple girl, it makes sense that I only get paid 77% of what a man gets paid, because I only live 77% of my life. Why would I need that pesky extra 23%?

I only watch 77% of movies. I leave the theater or shut the movie off when I have seen 77% of any film. Fight Club offers no answers in 107 minutes, I assume Kevin dies at the end of Home Alone and the identity of Keyser Soze will forever remain a mystery to me. And I don ‘t care! I am happy living that 77% life baby.

I eat 77% of my dinner and I dump water on the rest so I am not even tempted to get that full plates-worth. I simply don ‘t deserve it. 100% of a dinner is 23% too much if you ask me.

I only play 77% of a game of a Black Jack. I have never won, but I don ‘t care, That last 23% is just too tiring.

I have 77% of an orgasm. It might be nice to have a full one, but I ‘ll leave that to men!

I go to 77% of a doctor ‘s appointment. I leave before my results. Blessed ignorance!

I take 77% of a shower. You only need to wash parts of your body with hair, leave the rest to science.

I watch 77% of all basketball games. The Knicks are my favorite team, I can ‘t believe how many times they beat The Bulls in the 90 ‘s.

I only write 77% of this article. Bye! I have to go ovulate.

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