By: News

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Vermont Threatens Prohibition If Marijuana Isn’t Legalized, And Other State Bargaining Chips

No weed? Fine, but no booze, either. And no dancing. Vermont is Footloose now.

Vermont Representatives, hoping to demonstrate how silly it is that marijuana is illegal, have introduced a bill that would reinstate prohibition. But if they really want to legalize marijuana, they should threaten to take away the thing Vermont loves most. Every state has something that can be used as a bargaining chip. See below for a list of the one thing each state holds most dear:

  • Alabama: Overt Racism
  • Alaska: Having a non-Sarah Palin governor
  • Arizona: Trying to be the most hateful state in the nation
  • Arkansas: Vintage Clintons
  • California: Things that are drying up (drinking water,childhood actors, etc.)
  • Colorado: Somehow being whiter than Wisconsin
  • Connecticut: Their annual hunger games
  • Delaware: First state status
  • Florida: Nothing
  • Georgia: Peaches
  • Hawaii: Being as far from Florida as possible
  • Idaho: Potatoes, boring, sad potatoes
  • Illinois: Michael Jordan
  • Indiana: Being the only state more hateful than Arizona
  • Iowa: Alcohol
  • Kansas: Being flat
  • Kentucky: Bluegrass (Code for bourbon)
  • Louisiana: Bead and flesh based currency
  • Maine: Alcohol
  • Maryland: The Wire
  • Massachusetts: Being a shittier Connecticut, but a better Rhode Island
  • Michigan: Slowly turning into a Mad Max-esque hell-scape where murder is essentially legal and chaos rules all
  • Minnesota: Basically being Canada
  • Mississippi: Being the bad guys in every movie that takes place during the 60 ‘s
  • Missouri: Somehow stealing Kansas City from Kansas
  • Montana: Alcohol
  • Nebraska: Corn
  • Nevada: Mistakes
  • New Hampshire: Forcing politicians to pretend they like it there
  • New Jersey: Bruce Springsteen
  • New Mexico: A fictional meth dealer
  • New York: Pizza/Thinking they ‘re cool even though they haven ‘t been since the 70 ‘s
  • North Carolina: Michael Jordan
  • North Dakota: Somehow having less than South Dakota
  • Ohio: Having Cleveland and just making people fucking deal with it
  • Oklahoma: Alcohol
  • Oregon: Handlebar mustaches with bits of locally grown kale stuck in them
  • Pennsylvania: Managing to touch New Jersey but still being nothing like New Jersey
  • Rhode Island: Doughboys, or some stupid shit like that
  • South Carolina: Alcohol
  • South Dakota: Mount Rushmore, and then literally nothing else
  • Tennessee: Honky-tonk (Code for bourbon)
  • Texas: Guns that shoot bible verses
  • Utah: A huge, worthless lake
  • Vermont: Being smug assholes just because they compost
  • Virginia: Not being West Virginia
  • Washington: Being the birthplace of Frasier. Also, alcohol.
  • West Virginia: Cousins
  • Wisconsin: Cheese and alcohol
  • Wyoming: Alcohol
  • Washington DC: See Florida, then add alcohol

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