By: FunnyorDieIU

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Li’l Sebastion Weighs in on the IUSA Election Twist

Li'l Sebastion Weighs in on the IUSA Election Twist

Written by: Griffin Leeds

In light of the recent disqualification of the Amplify ticket for the Indiana University Student Association, InTouch has become the new winning ticket for the IU student government body.

The disqualification was executed on Monday, April 13 when Amplify left off two significant items on their declared campaign expenditures.

Furthermore, after the items were added to the list of expenditures the ticket was found to have exceeded their budget cap of $3000 dollars. The election commission keeps the process competitive by barring more financially able tickets from dominating the election through promotional purchases or donations exceeding $3000 when totaled.

What were the two promotional donations that knocked Amplify from their podium? Campaign T-shirts and the as-seen-on-tv miniature pony, Li ‘l Sebastian.

Upon hearing of the recent campus turmoil following the disqualification, we we reapproached by Li ‘l Sebastian himself. We knew it would behoove us to promptly arrange to meet for a Q&A.

The stables where Li ‘l Sebastian lives were lavish to say the least. As the new spring sunlight danced across the expanses of green grass. Li ‘l Sebastian, his translator and I got comfortable beside his marble fountain of famous centaur, Chiron, and got down to business over three troughs of the finest oats and apples.

Griffin Leeds: So what was your reaction to this news?

Li ‘l Sebastian: To be quite frank, I saw this coming the whole time. Most miniature ponies have a penchant for democracy on all levels. In fact, we are still a little miffed that the democratic party opted for the donkey instead of the miniature pony for their mascot. Every active member of the animal kingdom knows that donkeys tend to align with the green party. I keep myself profoundly informed on the small-scale democracies such as those at universities. I find them to be more compelling. The students have so much more hope and drive than their older counterparts. Their spirits aren ‘t quite broken in. Not only do they still get ideas, they get excited about them.

GL:I had no idea the miniature pony community was so well informed on these processes. Is it strange to have been a part of this scandal of sorts?

LS:It feels wonderful to have played such a monumental role. I was rooting for InTouch the whole time. Some fresh blood running IUSA sounded like a welcome change. Not to mention they were especially driven when it came to bettering Campus Psychological Services and having more diversity of voice in the student government.

I initially was rather skittish to be helping promote the Amplify ticket for that reason. My translator couldn ‘t come with me to the meet and greet because she had a wedding to attend. So upon arrival I was in a bit of an anxious state, pawing at the pavement and so on. Of course, humans being the charming folk they are, thought it was because I was nervous about all the people. I ‘m a miniature horse actor; people get nervous around me and not the other way around!

However, I was calmed the moment I realized Amplify hadn ‘t been dotting their I ‘s and crossing their T-shirts. Sorry, you ‘ll have to forgive me. Miniature ponies like to have fun with language.

GL: That sort of wordplay is always welcome here. And are you saying you predicted trouble for Amplify upon seeing their now infamous donated shirts?

LS:Well of course! People hear about counting horses, but us miniature ponies have even more concentrated mathematical acumen. I also know a thing or two about ordering custom T-shirts as I was the head organizer of Big Sebastian ‘s retirement party. Based on the quality of the shirts and a bit of intuitive guesstimation, I anticipated that they were already breaching into an infraction and that my participation would tip the scale against them, securing InTouch ‘s victory.

GL:That sounds like quite the act of political intrigue, Li ‘l.

LS:We ‘re only given so many chances in life to feel like Frank Underwood. So when such an opportunity presents itself. You ‘ve got to chase it, Griffin.

GL:Thank you very much Mr. Sebastian. You are most definitely 5,000 candles in the wind to me. If it isn ‘t asking too much, would I be able to get this recipe for oats and apples from your chef? It is sensational!

LS:Of course! We ‘ll swing by Angelique on our way to the coral gate and jot it down for you. Well, I won ‘t. I may be able to provide in-depth insight on collegiate elections, but I still can ‘t write worth a damn with these hooves.

GL:Wonderful, thank you so much. Is there any other comment you would like to provide?


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