By: Fran Gillespie

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Father’s Day Gift Guide or How To Realize You Don’t Really Know Your Dad

For the man you ‘ve known your whole life who you don ‘t really know.

A Fishing Pole.
Didn ‘t he say he used to fish? Or liked to fish? Or liked fish. Oh wait, he said he liked that one Phish song, but maybe he was just saying that to fill silence while you were listening to the radio in the car.

A Shaving Kit.
Your dad needs to shave doesn ‘t he? Wait, does he? Shit, does your dad have a beard? Did he shave his beard a long time ago, but you will always remember him with one? Try and picture him. What does he look like today? Find a recent photo of the two of you. Scratch that. Don ‘t get him a shaving kit.

A Cookbook.
Ooh! A cookbook for the grill! He definitely has a grill. And he uses it a few times every summer. Actually, that ‘s not much come to think of it. Maybe he doesn ‘t even like grilling. Who even knows with this guy.

A Beer-Brewing Kit.
Maybe, like, I dunno, a beer-brewing kit? He drinks beer sometimes. And he ‘s good at fixing stuff, which seems kind of related to making something. I bet he ‘d think that ‘s cool. But it also sounds like a lot of work. So maybe not. Now I ‘m remembering the family has a history of alcoholism and he drinks St. Pauli Girl. Shit, I should get to know him.

A Neck Pillow?
Eh, scratch that.

Power Tool.
Some kind of power tool. Sure he has no history of using or needing power tools, but it seems like a nice manly Father ‘s Day gift, right? Maybe he ‘d take up woodworking! Or maybe it would gather dust in the garage. Christ, have you ever even talked to this guy?

Tickets to a Basketball Game.
He loves basketball! Or at least he loved watching you play basketball in high school even though you weren ‘t good. He actually never had any real opinions about basketball except that he was proud you were trying. Wait, your dad is kind of great.

A Picture of You.
He likes you. No, he loves you. He sacrificed everything to make sure you had a good life and you barely know a thing about him. Shame on you. How dare you give him a picture of you, what a selfish, narcissistic gift.

A Fishing Pole.
He really did mention he liked to fish. Maybe go fishing with him ‘ if it ‘s on a day you don ‘t have anything better to do.

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