An Email Exchange In Which I Ask A Designer To Photoshop A Large Penis On Michael Fassbender In ‘Assassin’s Creed’
From: dan@fod.com
Subject: A FUNNY PIC!!
Hey Abby!
I have a dumb idea I was hoping you could photoshop.
This picture of Michael Fassbender from the upcoming Assassin ‘s Creed movie was released. Very cool. It ‘s trending on Facebook, too, so we should get some content out soon.
Was thinking maybe we could photoshop that front crease so it looks like he has a giant pixelated penis? You know, like he ‘s famous for having from that movie with his huge penis, Shame.
We can call it Assassin ‘s Shame or something. I ‘ll figure that out later. Thanks in advance for the quick turnaround!!
From: abby@fod.com
Subject: RE: A FUNNY PIC!!
How ‘s this look?
From: dan@fod.com
Subject: RE: A FUNNY PIC!!
Not bad! Needs to be bigger. Like comically bigger. Straight down like a snake.
Appreciate it
From: abby@fod.com
Subject: RE: A FUNNY PIC!!
OK. Is this a priority? Or is anyone else available to work on this? I have other projects to finish.
From: dan@fod.com
Subject: RE: A FUNNY PIC!!
Yes it is!
Thanks!
From: abby@fod.com
Subject: RE: A FUNNY PIC!!
You ignored my second question, but whatever. Here ‘s another draft. Is this snake-like enough?
From: dan@fod.com
Subject: RE: A FUNNY PIC!!
Wider and closer to the tip of the image. This almost looks like his actual penis.
From: dan@fod.com
Subject: RE: A FUNNY PIC!!
Also, maybe I should ‘ve clarified but Michael Fassbender is famous for having a large penis, amongst other things. But mostly famous for penis. One that is big.
I ‘m starting to wonder if you ‘ve ever even seen Michael Fassbender’s penis.
From: abby@fod.com
Subject: RE: A FUNNY PIC!!
I haven’t.
From: dan@fod.com
Subject: RE: A FUNNY PIC!!
Oh you should! You ‘d love it. He shows it in Shame. And I think 12 Years A Slave but I may just be remembering that I saw Shame the same day I saw that one. Both great films.
Let me take a stab just to guide you.
You know make it like that but better.
From: abby@fod.com
Subject: RE: A FUNNY PIC!!
Didn ‘t you say you were going to learn photoshop so you didn ‘t have to to keep asking me to make penises?
From: dan@fod.com
Subject: RE: A FUNNY PIC!!
Sounds like something I ‘d say!
From: abby@fod.com
Subject: RE: A FUNNY PIC!!
So did you learn photoshop?
From: dan@fod.com
Subject: RE: A FUNNY PIC!!
Fantastic!
From: abby@fod.com
Subject: RE: A FUNNY PIC!!
How ‘s this
From: dan@fod.com
Subject: RE: A FUNNY PIC!!
So good! One more thing. The base seems pretty high, can you add pubes? I noted those in my mockup and it’s pretty unprofessional that you ignored it. The pubes add realism to the piece. It needs to seem real, Abby. The comedy comes from the realism.
From: abby@fod.com
Subject: RE: A FUNNY PIC!!
Done. I ‘m going home. I ‘m also looping in HR.
From: karen_hr@fod.com
CC: abby@fod.com
Subject: RE: A FUNNY PIC!!
Dan, please stop making Abby photoshop penises.
From: dan@fod.com
CC: karen_hr@fod.com
Subject: RE: A FUNNY PIC!!
No problem! Karen, while I ‘ve got you, can you remove the watermark from Yahoo? We don ‘t need to put ours on for legal issues, but it kind of gets in the way of the great joke. Don ‘t touch the penis, though, it ‘s perfect and Abby had to work really hard on it.
From: karen_hr@fod.com
Subject: RE: A FUNNY PIC!!
Also I’m sure you’re aware this violates nearly all of our sexual harassment policies.
From: dan@fod.com
Subject: RE: A FUNNY PIC!!
Perfect! I ‘m suspended, correct?
From: karen_hr@fod.com
Subject: RE: A FUNNY PIC!!
Correct. Without pay.
From: dan@fod.com
Subject: RE: A FUNNY PIC!!
Fantastic! Thanks for all your help!
