By: Dan Abramson
OK, Republican extremists, here ‘s the deal. You know how you ‘re convinced building a wall around our borders, following the lead of ancient China (who as we know is the forerunner of modern politics) is the key to halting immigration? Let ‘s do it. We ‘re in.
On one condition:
It ‘s made out of the guns that are currently in the hands of Americans. The guns that are fare too easy to obtain. The guns that are killing our own people. The guns that you think make one a true American. Let ‘s take them all, slap some glue in between them, and construct a wall along the border of Mexico. Eh, fuck it, Canada, too; it ‘s not like they ‘d downgrade and come here, anyway. And if they did, what ‘s the worst that happens? Austin Powers 4?
It ‘s a win-win for both sides. You get a wall (a badass one, admittedly) and we take a step further in curbing the gun violence that plagues this country.
Deal? Great. Love it.
Oh by the way, you know a wall won ‘t change a thing, right? Fantastic. Just making sure.