By: Funny Or Die

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11 Ways To Celebrate Beyonc ”s Birthday

Beyonc ‘ turns 34 years old today and she deserves to be celebrated. Please use the following as a guide.

  • Call whichever Michelle Williams you know and tell them you love them.
  • Tell Beyonc ‘, ‘I heard you ‘re having a birthday today,” to which she will respond, ‘Thank you.”
  • If you ‘re Kelly Rowland you better hurry up and buy something nice because if you ever, EVER forget to buy a birthday gift for Beyonc ‘ again you are DONE, you hear me? Now GET OUT OF THE LIMO.
  • Buy her a month of Tidal, that shit ‘s expensive.
  • Compose a 2,500-word Tumblr post on the cultural significance of that time Beyonc ‘ stood in front of the word FEMINIST at the VMAs.
  • Go to Applebee ‘s, tell them it ‘s Bey ‘s birthday. After that, everyone eats free.
  • Find all family pictures in your house and paste cutouts of Beyonc ‘s face over your mom ‘s, because Beyonc ‘ is Mom.
  • A nice, handmade card, but not the kind that makes it so the police have to come to your house.
  • Whisper her name into your pillow while your wife sleeps, just like every other night.
  • Record a happy birthday video message really close up to your face and start tearing up about how beautiful she is and how God is good and life is a blessing.
  • Get her the one thing she doesn ‘t have: eternal life

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