By: Funny Or Die
11 Ways To Celebrate Beyonc ”s Birthday
Beyonc ‘ turns 34 years old today and she deserves to be celebrated. Please use the following as a guide.
- Call whichever Michelle Williams you know and tell them you love them.
- Tell Beyonc ‘, ‘I heard you ‘re having a birthday today,” to which she will respond, ‘Thank you.”
- If you ‘re Kelly Rowland you better hurry up and buy something nice because if you ever, EVER forget to buy a birthday gift for Beyonc ‘ again you are DONE, you hear me? Now GET OUT OF THE LIMO.
- Buy her a month of Tidal, that shit ‘s expensive.
- Compose a 2,500-word Tumblr post on the cultural significance of that time Beyonc ‘ stood in front of the word FEMINIST at the VMAs.
- Go to Applebee ‘s, tell them it ‘s Bey ‘s birthday. After that, everyone eats free.
- Find all family pictures in your house and paste cutouts of Beyonc ‘s face over your mom ‘s, because Beyonc ‘ is Mom.
- A nice, handmade card, but not the kind that makes it so the police have to come to your house.
- Whisper her name into your pillow while your wife sleeps, just like every other night.
- Record a happy birthday video message really close up to your face and start tearing up about how beautiful she is and how God is good and life is a blessing.
- Get her the one thing she doesn ‘t have: eternal life
