What To Expect From The Pope Cable Channel

Time Warner Cable is rolling out the Papal Visit 2015 Channel, for a sort of C-Span around-the-clock coverage of Pope Francis ‘ upcoming visits to NYC, Philly, D.C., and Cuba. See below for the full papal coverage.

• Weather Reports From Inside The Vatican
• Things To Do Besides Masturbate (with Cardinal Dave!)
• Debunking The Big Bang Theory
• America ‘s Next Top Bishop ‘ Judges Guy Fieri, Tim Gunn, and Pope Francis set out to find the new face of the American church. Hosted by Metta World Peace.
• Between Two Urns
• Pope Floats ‘ Pope Francis talks to Catholic celebrities live from the Chelsea Piers pool.
• GoPro presents 10 Hours Of The Pope Walking In New York ‘ A GoPro cam is strapped to the top of Pope Francis ‘ hat as he goes around the city casting miracles.
• Jane The Virgin Till Marriage
• The Pope Sleeps ‘ Eight hours of live, commercial-free coverage of a widdle sweepy Pope.
• PFL ‘ Pope Francis counts down the day ‘s top-10 music videos live from Times Square. Guests include Eminem, Jennifer Love Hewitt, and a nun.
• The Holy Ghost Whisperer
• In-depth coverage of how Pope Francis ‘ pope hat does during his visit
• Can the Pope drink a mojito? A discussion with a religious scholar and a bartender.
• Secret video footage of REAL confessionals!
• I, Popebot ‘ A look at the Pope ‘s robot initiative. For hundreds of years popes have worked tirelessly to create a robotic Pope that will be able to replace all popes forever. Will Pope Francis finally be the one to crack the code?
• The funniest papal bloopers (ploopers) from over 1,000 years of popes! This week ‘s videos include John Paul Stuck In Stall, Dog Blesses The Sick, and Baptism ‘ By Tire?
• Iconoclasts: Pope Francis and Taylor Schilling
• The VMAs (Virgin Mary Awards)
• The top popes are awarded for their contributions to Catholicism. Cardinal Marco performs.
• Say Yes To The Bless
• Cool Pope ticker: Live update along bottom of screen keeps track of the ostensibly ‘cool” things the Pope has done or said during his visit. Says women who ‘ve had abortions can be forgiven? ‘Cool. ‘ Sorta acknowledges climate change? ‘Cool.”
• Watch the cabinet of the Pope play E-sports and also Animal Crossing! With live commentary in Italian and English.
• The Pope Says ‘Cunt” Live! ‘ You asked for it and now the Pope is proud to say the word ‘cunt” live on television in the name of over $10 million raised for charity through the ‘Get The Pope To Say ‘Cunt ‘ ” Kickstarter campaign.
• The Walking Dead (just a still image of Jesus returning to life on the third day)
• The Best Wife (The Good Wife but with Julianna Margulies ‘ character replaced with the Virgin Mary)
• Pray ‘s Anatomy (Just Grey ‘s Anatomy but the word ‘grey” is overdubbed with the word ‘pray”)
• Roamin ‘ Catholic Church
• Confession With The Fat Jew ‘ The Pope hears out maligned content aggregator The Fat Jew, who wishes to seek redemption in the eyes of all who will hear him.
• This Vine: https://vine.co/v/etMJzr29q2F
• Satan ‘s Midnight Rebuttal