By: FunnyorDieIU

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So You Got Rejected From Kelley… Again

So You Got Rejected From Kelley ‘ Again

This is a completely REAL interview from a three-time Kelley School of Business reject turned entrepreneur. Reporter Lily Lalios talked to actually real person, Erin Kastropolos, who is selling her new Kelley-inspired multimillion dollar product, Bottled Feelings ‘. This is all completely real and not at all made up.

So if you ‘ve been rejected from the Kelley School or your life ‘s dream was completely destroyed in another way, just remember: There ‘s always hope!!

Sort of.

Interviewer: So tell us how you decided to start this company.

Kastropolos: Well I had tried applying for this prestigious business school multiple times, each time I got to the round of interviews but it never worked out. After a while I thought I was stuck in a pattern of setting myself up for rejection.

Interviewer: I bet you didn ‘t realize you were setting yourself up for profit! How did you first discover you could utilize your bottled feelings?

Kastropolos: I can ‘t reveal too much, but what I can tell you is that we concentrate the emotional essence of the product and suspend it in a saline solution called Tears ‘. This is really one of the more important steps because the saltiness of the Tears ‘ intensifies whatever feeling we ‘re going for.

Interviewer: Fascinating. And how do you source your raw materials?

Kastropolos: Originally I was just bottling my own feelings, but the company grew so quickly that we had to outsource suffering to interns.

Interviewer: Yes, people have been talking about your hiring process. Some call it controversial, others call it revolutionary.

Kastropolos: What we ‘ve done is maximized both products and workforce through our hiring equation. We scour LinkedIN for hopeful young people who will put all their trust in the company. The work hard and we ‘ll give them some recognition here and there but after six months we imply they ‘ll receive a permanent staff position with benefits and insurance, and then we fire them. You see, our most popular and potent product is that special kind of confusion and self doubt that comes from being abandoned by an ideal you were devoted to.

Interviewer: ‘

Kastropolos: It ‘s made us a lot of money.

Interviewer: Well I can ‘t argue with that. Are you planning on doing anything with your new found wealth?

Kastropolos: They ‘re opening a wing in my name at Kelley.

Lily Lalios is a sophomore at IU studying English. When she ‘s not crying over how expensive spices are she enjoys writing jokes and being nice to small animals. Follow her on Twitter @lilythelalios or in Instagram @notnotlily.

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