By: News

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Eh, F*ck Science, Let’s Go With Religious Forewarning On The Upcoming Blood Moon

What ‘s that in the sky! No, not today, not tonight, but on September 28th! It ‘s a blood moon, that ‘s what it is! And while most people understand a blood moon to be a total lunar eclipse, a Christian pastor named John Hagee believes it ‘s a surefire sign that end times are near.

This upcoming lunar eclipse will be the fourth total lunar eclipse in a row, and when that happens scientists refer to the event as a lunar tetrad. (If you ‘re reading this in the middle of science class, look, you ‘re still learning something!) It ‘s incredibly rare! Hagee, who wrote the book Four Blood Moons, has declared ‘the four blood moons points to a world-shaking eventthat will happen between April 2014 and October 2015.”

You know, usually when this happens, it ‘s just science. It ‘s been a natural, scientific, and astronomical occurrence since the beginning of the universe. While it ‘s pretty likely that, once again, this is just science, what if we all just said ‘fuck it!” and let it be a religious prophecy?

It ‘s been sort of a slow month. The craziness of the GOP candidate nomination is slowly losing steam and yesterday the biggest news event in the country was a rat dragging around a slice of pizza. Hopefully by ‘sign of end times” it means we ‘re just getting a big warning and not, you know, a literal end to life as we know it. But it could give us a good scare and add some new spice to the science v. religion debate. At a certain point, evolution gets boring to debate! We ‘ve heard all the sides!

So look out for the blood moon on the 28th and if you ‘re a scientist, don ‘t worry about staying up to check it out. We ‘re going to hand this lunar eclipse over to Pastor Hagee and all the religious nuts and see what they can run with. Take the night off! Maybe check out that new restaurant in your neighborhood that just opened up. Besides, if it ‘s true that the world is ending, you ‘ll want to see if it ‘s as good as everyone says!

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