By: Kady Ruth Ashcraft
Hello, everyone. Mike and Kady Ruth here. Just wanted to take a minute and give you all a heads up that fall has begun thus we are officially our best selves. Yes, it ‘s true we ‘re good in the summer but, you guys ‘ we are great in the fall. In fact, we barely even call it fall, preferring to say ‘autumn” as it ‘s a more crisp and descriptive word for the season.
Here ‘s a taste of what you can expect mid-September to mid-November:
Just look at us! The sweaters! The layers! THE LATTES! These are not afternoon treats but rather daily staples of our autumn wardrobe. If you see either of us on the street between September 23rd and December 22nd not blowing into a hot beverage that we ‘re cupping with both hands, shoot those attractive individuals on sight because they are imposters.Just kidding, we don ‘t condone violence! Unless it ‘s a leaf fight ;-).
This photo tells a story. A story of a woman who inhales air deeply through the nose and exhales loudly through the mouth. She ‘s taking the long way home because ‘it ‘s just too nice to take the subway.” A story of a man who just needs to ‘pop into the farmers ‘ market real quick.” But he ‘ll leave without purchasing anything once he remembers his arms are already full of firewood.
Plain and simple, we smell like pumpkin spice 24 hours a day. Approach us on the street and we ‘ll have just finished a conversation about whether or not we needed a jacket. (Eventually coming to the same whimsical conclusion of, ‘Let ‘s just walk fast and our blood will warm up.” And you know what? We ‘re entirely correct.)
Every morning before work, we drive upstate and go apple picking. Mike likes to show off and climb to the top. Kady Ruth prefers to hang below pressing fresh cider. ‘These are good baking apples ‘ we should make a crumble tonight ‘” we ‘ll muse in unison. After a 15-hour montage of laughing and throwing leaves at each other, we ‘ll finally go home.
HERE ‘S WHERE THIS ALL AFFECTS YOU. As ‘Autumn ‘s Two Best People,” you ‘re gonna want to hang out with us. And we wanna hang out with you, too! It ‘s just ‘ lock us down soon. This is clearly our busy season, our Christmas if you will, and we ‘re VERY in demand ‘ usually making scheduled appearances at various beaches at night because wearing a hoodie to the beach is the fucking coziest thing on Earth. It ‘s fine that it ‘s a little chilly ‘ the bonfire will warm our skin and our perfect filter-less Instagrams will warm our hearts.
To help with both your schedule and ours (but mostly ours) we ‘ve registered the email address FallFriends2015@gmail.com and are making our autumn calendars public. If you wanna put something in books ‘ flag football games, jumping in freshly raked leaves, what have you ‘ check out when we are available and ping us an email. Of course, if you want to join in on one of our prescheduled events, don ‘t hesitate to email us about that as well! Anyone and everyone is welcome, but we ideally want to limit our activities to five people maximum. Any more than that and it ‘s difficult to remain whimsical.
Please include contact info, summary of events, and what kind of cinnamon-dusted refreshments will be made available. Once we return from our daily walk through a pumpkin patch, we ‘ll reply with our availability and time commitment. (Please keep in mind that, in the fall, we ‘re consistently 45 minutes late to everything because ‘at the last minute we decided to walk.”)
And if you hang out with us, we ‘ll have plenty to discuss! We ‘re always up on the fall TV season so make excellent conversationalists. It stems from our nightly decision to ‘just stay in tonight. We ‘re in that perfect weather window where we don ‘t need the A/C and, honestly, don ‘t need the heat on either. We ‘ll just cover up in some blankets, excuse us, ‘throws” and catch some residual oven warmth from the turnover we ‘re baking.”
Finally, none of this is meant to brag. We ‘re simply stating the facts. And, in the interest of full disclosure, should say that after the fall we are completely insufferable beasts. Just a couple of fucking monsters. Kady Ruth gets really tense around the holidays ’cause her family ‘s weird and every February Mike gives sincere consideration to burning New York City to the ground and salting the earth. But, for now, the only salting we ‘ll be doing is to our freshly roasted pumpkin seeds. Please contact FallFriends2015@gmail.com and join us.