Why Hasn ‘t Taylor Swift Asked Me To Join Her Squad?

So it ‘s been 24 hours since I dropped my cover album of Taylor Swift ‘s entire 1989 album and ‘ believe it or not ‘ Taylor still hasn ‘t invited me to join her squad. How do I feel about this? I am extremely pissed off. What do I have to do to hang with Taylor? I want a night on the town with Selena Gomez and Karlie Kloss. I want to bake cookies with Gigi Hadid and Kendall Jenner. But apparently recording an entire album of Taylor Swift covers won ‘t make that happen. I thought by now she would ‘ve returned the favor and recorded a cover version of my 2005 album, Jacksonville City Nights, by now. But Taylor hasn ‘t even sent me a goddamn text or even a DM.

I want to make the distinction that I ‘m not some basic Swifite hanging out at Forever 21 in the mall. I ‘m Ryan fucking Adams. I wrote the song that ‘s in the opening credits of the movie Old School. You think that ‘d earn me an invite to play a song onstage with Taylor. Lisa Kudrow joined her onstage. So did Mariska Hargitay from SVU. Why not me?? I ‘ve been at every one of her shows on the 1989 tour.Taylor could ‘ve called me up onstage at any moment, but NOPE. Instead she brings up Joey from Friends, Chris Rock and some clown who looks like a Gap model.

If recording a cover album of Taylor ‘s songs isn ‘t going to get her attention, what the hell is? Do I have to re-create her ‘Bad Blood” video? Do I have to get Kanye to interrupt me while I ‘m accepting an award? Do I have to date Jake Gyllenhaal, have him break up with me via text, and then write a bunch of songs about it? I ‘ll recreate Taylor ‘s entire life if she ‘ll just ask me to join her squad.

What would it be look if Taylor heard my cover album and invited me to join her squad? I ‘ve thought about this a lot. I even had the guy who makes my album artwork mock up a picture.

I think I ‘ve made me squad goals abundantly clear. Taylor,the ball ‘s in your court. Put me in your squad. I ‘m giving you 48 hours to respond. If you don ‘t, I ‘m just gonna make a record of Beyonc ‘ covers.