Marco Rubio’s Open Letter To The Pope

Fellow Americans,

This week, a scourge has landed on our shores. No, not Chinese president Xi Jinping. Not British model/actress Cara Delevigne. I ‘m talking about Jorge Mario Bergoglio, a.k.a. Pope Francis. And while his trip to the States is winding down, the Pope ‘s reign of terror will continue unless we do something about it. Even though I ‘m a ‘devout Catholic,” I ‘ve been speaking out against this dope all week. He cannot be trusted.

Why am I anti-Pope? This Argentinian menace is a staunch believer in climate change, and he thinks we should do something about it ‘ at the expense of profits and oil-sector jobs. Hey Pope, let ‘s leave the science to the scientists ‘ the stupid scientists. And how can we trust a grown man who dresses like he does, wearing baggy clothes and never taking his hat off. It ‘s extremely disrespectful.

Even worse, he ‘s a friend of the gays. I mean, sort of. For a Pope he is. You get what I ‘m saying. If he had his way, the world would be one giant Scandinavia. Oh and by the way, he has a girl ‘s name, even though he ‘s a boy. Francis. What message does that send to our children.

He ‘s met with Vladimir Putin, Fidel Castro, even Barack Hussein Obama. Does this Pope even believe in God? Doubtful. He ‘s never once publicly stated that he ‘s not a Muslim. What ‘s he hiding? In Spanish they call him El Papa, but La Papa means potato. That ‘s just too close for comfort. Sure, he ‘s a charismatic leader who draws huge crowds. But doesn ‘t that sound a bit familiar?

Nope, not him. Even worse:

That ‘s right: Bernie Sanders. The resemblance is uncanny. We Vati-can ‘t allow him to force his commie agenda down our throats. Join me in saying nope to the Pope.

Your pal,
Marco Rubio