27 Goodest Tweets We Scrolled Past This Week #1

pope: love all
*everyone cheers*
*he serves a tennis ball right into the crowd*
pope: fifteen-love

‘ Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) September 24, 2015

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Everyone says this Pope is cool but I have it on good word that the '67-'69 Texas psych section of his vinyl collection is an embarrassment.

‘ Jon Wurster (@jonwurster) September 21, 2015

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“Did you bring the black guy?”
“No… did you?”
“I thought you had him.” – h/t Sean Platter pic.twitter.com/Ic60aZPlZj

‘ Donna NoShock (@NoShock) September 25, 2015

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Find me one thing in history not ruined by white people and I will give you a million dollars https://t.co/1eVXs7Eiub

‘ chai goth? CHAI goth? chai GOTH? chai goth… (@Abid_ism) September 22, 2015

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“Fuck it, just add a werewolf” – the 80's.

‘ Noodles (@Dawn_M_) September 20, 2015

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I won ‘t be impressed with Jimmy Fallon ‘s love of 90s nostalgia until he does a bit where he fucks a pog.

‘ Jensen Karp (@JensenClan88) September 24, 2015

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Kermit The Frog is a fucking terrible showrunner.

‘ Jake Fogelnest (@jakefogelnest) September 24, 2015

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Every day in America a twenty-something white man opens up FinalDraft thinking ‘But they haven ‘t seen MY version of a Steve Jobs movie.”

‘ Keith Calder (@keithcalder) September 26, 2015

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I think it's messed up that Beetlejuices are illegally hunted for their luxurious suit fabrics. This is disgusting! pic.twitter.com/N4l5ePV8Pa

‘ Maz Dylan Ash (@mynameisntdave) September 25, 2015

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Lfie Hcak: Missplelnig tihgns dosne't mttaer.

‘ Keaton Patti (@KeatonPatti) September 25, 2015

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If you're really into someone but they keep telling you to shut up and dance–that person isn't your destiny so get off the dance floor asap

‘ Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) September 21, 2015

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Be the shut up you wish to see in the world

‘ Tim Martin (@timmartinwhy) September 22, 2015

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When parents say to kids “go to ur room & think about what you've done” it's really good practice for what you'll do every night as an adult

‘ pat tobin (@tastefactory) September 18, 2015

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I tried to download Yahoo Street View and they sent me a globe in the mail

‘ JP Lovecraft (@online_shawn) September 22, 2015

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hello this is ur captain speaking. if u look out the left of the plane you'll see ur mom. lmaooo owned. now let's fly this piece of shit

‘ chuuch (@ch000ch) September 21, 2015

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I'm not on the Atkins Diet. I'm on the Rowan Atkinson Diet… It's all BEANS!!

‘ Paul Rust (@paulrust) September 20, 2015

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If u drink the blue liquid from a Magic 8-Ball u can see the future trust me my friend Keith did once & said he was gonna die & then he did

‘ Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) September 15, 2015

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ME: Haha you can tell them any name and they have to say it BARISTA: I have a latte for ‘A Person Who Deserves Love”? ME [crying]: Hahaha

‘ Eat Wood (@therealeatwood) August 12, 2015

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10 years into Netflix and chill and she wants a divorce

‘ paperwash ‘ (@PaperWash) September 25, 2015

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I left my wife for a Draft Kings millionaire.

‘ Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) September 26, 2015

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Just realized Elton John really phoned it in for his tribute to Princess Diana.

‘ Nikki Glaser (@NikkiGlaser) September 23, 2015

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when sean penn is dying and you're a lizard pic.twitter.com/Hl5BMw9rQI

‘ dan chamberlain (@amfmpm) September 25, 2015

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We're The Benjamin ButTones, and there isn't a ska song in the world we can't play backwards.

‘ DC Pierson (@DCpierson) September 21, 2015

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1 time I dropped my phone in a puddle but another time I was drunk & found $20 floating in a puddle. Conclusion: puddles can be good or bad

‘ Natalie Mooney (@nataliejmooney) September 22, 2015

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Favorited four tweets at a funeral today.

‘ Damien Fahey (@DamienFahey) September 20, 2015

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my phone just autocorrected R. Kelly to r leaky and tbh it works

‘ hope bonham carter (no relation) (@hopiecan) September 7, 2015

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Steve: did u guys get a good pic of me
Dave: ya dont worry
Steve: which pic did u use
Mark: dont worry about it pic.twitter.com/JRiB79dxbh

‘ Gregory Possum-Liker (@cat_beltane) August 19, 2015